Limmud Festival is over. In the words of my twelve-year-old: “Today is the worst day of the year, because it’s the longest possible time till next Limmud”.
So how can we Limmudniks keep the euphoria going? How can we stay in the bubble? Once again, I have written a list of tips to help you. If you follow them carefully, then every day can be a Limmud day:
At Work
- Sad at being back in the office? Why not suggest getting together with your co-workers at lunchtime to discuss a tractate of Talmud, or to write a new niggun? They’re not Jewish? Never mind — I’m sure they’ll be up for it anyway.
- Is the company Sales Conference coming up? Why not rebrand it as the ‘Sales Festival’?
- Walk into a meeting, then decide you don’t really fancy it after all? Just walk out again — no explanation needed.
- If your meeting does turn out to be fascinating, Facebook Live it so everyone can join in the fun. “Right now: Martin from the Compliance Department is discussing his 2018 objectives.”
- After someone has finished speaking, ask a question that entirely misses the point of everything he or she has just said.
Out and About
- Go to your nearest café, sit at a place occupied by a complete stranger (even if there are other tables free), then engage him/her in debate about an obscure Jewish topic.
- No more supermarkets or high street shops for you! Just hire a local hall, set up a shuk, and everything that you need in life can be provided on just a few tables – from chocolate bars, to hot drinks holders, to artisanal ritual objects.
At Home
- Make a brochure advertising upcoming household events. For example:
10:40 – 11:50: Free play time
In this session, children will pick out some of their toys and interact with them either alone or in groups, while periodically saying, “It’s not fair — I was using that first!” and “Can I have a snack?” and “When can we have some screentime?”
- Ensure that journeys from room to room feel appropriately challenging, by encouraging friends and neighbours to come round and mill up and down the corridor. They should be sure to block your way by standing to chat with each other in the narrowest areas.
- Do you like to drink juice? Then acquire a dispenser with a tap — one that will fill your glass very… very… slow…ly.
- Put up signs saying that your house is entirely run by volunteers, and that anyone wishing to sign up to help should come and speak to you. Wait forlornly.
- Every five days, hold a gala in your largest room, featuring highlights of the previous five days. Include an appeal for funding (pocket money will do), to ensure that the next five days are even better.
