I vaguely remember my hen night. It took place in an Italian restaurant in Pinner where, after the meal, a “waiter” approached me and proceeded to attempt what we called, in those days, a “snog”. That rather tame incident with the bogus waiter was the extent of my sexual exploits that night. Thankfully, what happened in Pinner stayed in Pinner.

How times have changed. Now, it’s not enough to have a hen night with a few penis-shaped lollipops or a stag do with a busty strippergram and a surfeit of alcohol. Hens and stags have turned into mammoth pre-wedding celebrations in their own right, and woe betide the friend who is unable (or unwilling) to join in the merriment.

Hen nights are now hen weekends, with trips to expensive hotels, spa treatments, salsa lessons and cocktail-making classes all de rigueur for the bride-to-be and her entourage. Stag parties fly to Europe for the weekend to indulge in the coffee shop culture — or worse — in Amsterdam or Prague, or jet off to Las Vegas for a couple of days of high-rolling mayhem beside the Bellagio fountains.

The problem is, not everyone can afford to splash the cash and it can cause major problems among friends in the run-up to what is meant to be a joyous occasion. More often than not, friends of the bride and groom are planning their own simchahs or are newlyweds themselves, saddled with a mortgage and other monthly bills. Being asked to fork out what may be hundreds of pounds is an unnecessary burden but one which many feel too awkward to refuse.

I have known friendships to become severely strained when girls have had to decline attending a hen weekend because of the cost. Not everyone is in the same income bracket — something that those arranging such events often forget.To make matters worse, all the discussions are generally conducted via text or WhatsApp message. 
Gone are the days when a phone call, with its accompanying niceties, humour and tone can help smooth the most difficult situation. You can do your best with emojis, but if you’re reluctant to squeeze yourself into a bikini to match the bride’s other friends on the beach, it’s hard to find the right one.

The problem is that so often wedding-planning encourages brides and grooms to be completely self-obsessed. It’s their big day and so why not have a big weekend, too? And, of course, as many people get married in their mid to late twenties, that means week after week of hens, stags and weddings, which are often abroad. Each event can cost guests up to £1000. It’s too much.

So I am calling for a halt to these wallet-draining exercises and suggesting, for the sake of friendship and bank balances, to keep it simple. Forget the weekend in Ibiza, take your friends out to dinner instead. They’ll love you for it.