Imagine spending months, maybe years of your life planning a bar or batmitzvah, only to have it cancelled a few days before. That happened to each of these families — several times.
By the time Louis Yeager leapt up to leyn from the Torah for his barmitzvah at New North London Synagogue he was a month short of his 15th birthday. He had learnt three Torah portions, maftir plus haftorahs.
“He was word perfect each time. What was heart breaking was that a few of our guests had passed away since our original date — some from Covid” says his mother, Sarah Mann-Yeager. Louis had been due to become barmitzvah in November 2019, but, for logistical reasons that date had been moved to March 28 2020.
In the fortnight before, as concern about Covid-19 grew, Mann-Yeager started to worry whether her son would get his moment in shul — “I’d started to have my doubts, but put my fingers in my ears and tried to think it would all be OK.”
Then lockdown was imposed and the family’s Shabbat lunch and Sunday party were postponed. “We had sweatshirts; personalised chocolate bars; neon signs; food packaging and countless other bits all ready to go. I’ve had to put them in a lock-up outside my house as I cannot bear to look at them. My outfits are in wardrobes at my mum’s house — it makes me too sad to see them.”
Louis started learning for a second date in September 2020 as did Josie Beth, who was due to celebrate her batmitzvah at St John’s Wood Synagogue on March 14 2020.
“I think we were one of the first to be cancelled as our synagogue closed the week before the lockdown when our rabbi caught Covid” explains Steven Beth. The family received a call from their rabbi, Dayan Binstock, on the eve of Josie’s 12th birthday (March 12) to tell them their simcha would not be going ahead. “I’d been watching the virus since November 2019, and had warned my wife Rachel to prepare herself emotionally for [the batmitzvah] not to happen” says Steven.
“We’d already done our rehearsal and had the formal photographs” says Rachel Beth. “I was devastated — I took it worse than my daughter as I’d put everything into it. We had everything ready to go.”
The situation was made even worse as family had flown in from all over the world. “My aunt, uncle and cousins had come from Mexico — she caught Covid and was hospitalised when she got back home. Steven’s half-brother had flown in from the Bahamas: “He caught Covid on a train journey to visit his mother in Staffordshire, and worse, could not fly home to his wife and children for three months,” says Steven.
Raffi Masters’ barmitzvah was due to take place at Shenley United on March 28. His mother Katie Masters says the family had seen the writing on the wall during the preceding fortnight. “I work in hospitals so could see what was going on. At the time I and my husband hadn’t been at all well — we later found out we’d had Covid. Luckily neither of us was poorly enough to be hospitalised.” Masters says they also had everything ready to go: “I’d made table centres filled with 200 golf balls as Raffi loves golf; we had stationery and had the kippot in boxes.”
“We thought maybe our rabbi— Rabbi Garber — would be able to come to our house, but we were in total lockdown. My husband and I were really upset — we were so close and it was taken away from us” says Masters. The idea of a Zoom-mitzvah had not yet evolved, but Katie’s husband, Justin Masters, working in IT was able to set up a Zoom call so Raffi could read his Torah portion and d’var Torah to family and friends. “His lovely barmitzvah teacher also watched him. It was very casual and off the cuff — we’ve got a brilliant photo of us all in our trackies on the call.”

JB 0049

Josie Beth and family - the pictures were taken in March 2020, the batmitzvah did not go ahead

They also decided to postpone, but like the others, ended up changing their date several times. After a second false start in the summer of 2020, they moved Raffi’s barmitzvah to the following March. “We decided to forget the party and just hold the actual barmitzvah ceremony as that was what I was concerned with” says Katie.
When that too did not happen, the family were ready to give up. However, as their younger son, Toby, was born in the same week three years later, they have decided the boys will share their big day. “They have the same portion — Vayikra — so we are hoping that they will both be called up on March 25 2023. Who knows where we will be by then. Raffi’s much taller now obviously and his voice has broken so he will sound very different!”
Katie is sanguine about the cancellations: “What happened to us was very minimal compared to what has happened to some people in the last couple of years — and that puts it into perspective. Yes we were gutted, but we very quickly got over it as we could see what was going on in life.”
Louis Yeager’s hard work learning to leyn so many different portions didn’t go unnoticed by his shul. “He was given the honour of reading some of the story of Jonah this Yom Kippur in recognition of his learning.” His family celebrated with a smaller scale lunch in the summer of 2021. Sarah says they are hoping to hold his 16th birthday party at their original barmitzvah venue. “We’re planning a Back to the Future theme to enable us to use some of the original merchandise with the March 2020 date on.”
Although the Beth family did finally manage to celebrate Josie’s coming of age this month, things did not go as smoothly as they had hoped. Two days before the big day, younger brother, Julius (11) tested positive for Covid.
“We’d asked everyone to test so we could keep the older members of our family safe. Julius’s school had emailed on the Wednesday saying there were a few cases in his year, so we’d decided to keep him at home so he’d be safe. That night he was a bit coldy so we tested him. A second line appeared after about five minutes.”
They could not postpone again — “We said it had to happen or it would not happen at all” says Steven. Poor Julius gave his speech via a video and stayed at home with a family friend. “The son of friends of ours, who’d had Covid and been vaccinated, kindly offered to come and look after Julius. That was huge and meant so much to us.”
Each family stressed how their children had taken the events of the last 18 months in their stride. “The only time Louis was upset was after the third postponement, when I suggested we just have a L’chaim and a call up. He said ‘I haven’t learned three parashas not to be able to do one in shul properly!’” says Mann-Yeager.
“Raffi is so easy going about it. He has never complained — he’s not desperate to rebook it but I don’t want him to look back in 30 years and regret it” says Katie.
Josie too had been accepting of the situation but her parents can see how much she has changed since the first batmitzvah date — “She was no longer a little girl — our speeches about her were very different by the time we did celebrate” says Steven.


Read more: The hell of being mother of the bride in the Covid era