Bar and batmitzvahs are not just a milestone for the child moving into adulthood. They are also a major moment for their mothers - the B-Mums.
By the time the celebrations roll around, poor B-Mum is likely to be in a state of high stress, having negotiated and sourced menus, table plans, band and photo booths, not to mention synagogue and simchah outfits.
A growing trend is for B-Mum's girlfriends or female relatives to throw her a sort of mid-life hen party - arranging a celebratory meal for her and her besties, a week or two before the big day.
By then, B-Mum should have ticked most of the boxes on her to-do list and be ready to kick back and enjoy the celebrations.
Essentially this is a ladies' lunch (or breakfast or dinner) for 20 or so of her closest friends.
You don't eat anything 'naughty'? I bet you'll eat mini puds
Here are some real-life pointers from the party throwers on how to pull one off without ending up a gibbering wreck yourself:
The caterer
Michelle Smith of Mish's Dishes has catered many prebar and batmitzvah lunches and says: "Some people go fully catered but others prefer our take-away service, for which we deliver food on platters and can also provide waitresses. The host has no cooking mess to clear up in their kitchens.
"The sort of food guests really enjoy are vegetable salads - go for griddled veg; roasted caramelised butternut; griddled courgettes with asparagus and avocado. Salmon teriyaki always goes down well. For breakfasts, people like little bowls of smoked salmon and scrambled eggs, shakshuka and quinoa brunch bowls, to which I add kale, cashew nuts, broccoli and an Asian dressing."
Smith's suggestions
● Go girly: Make sure the room looks beautiful. Wow the crowds with pretty flowers and girly accessories.
● Cracking breakfasts: Takeaways can be great at lunch time but for breakfast it is best to have a chef, as eggs need to be served to order.
● Never skip dessert: Ladies always say they do not eat anything "naughty" but they all do - especially if the puds are in mini sizes. We make mini brownies, fingers of French toast and mini banana-bread squares, which all go down a storm. But do make sure you have plenty of fruit, because that is also a favourite.
The mate
Debbie Rose has thrown three B-Mum parties: breakfast at a local restaurant; a catered dinner and a bring-yourown lunch. Her advice is: "Each type of party has its pros and cons. Having the meal at home is less formal and more relaxing as well as cheaper - especially if you each bring a dish - but there are extra costs for the hostess throwing the party, who needs to decorate the room and buy napkins and plates etc and who will also be left with the clearing-up at the end. It can be stressful, too, coordinating who brings what and making sure that everyone is catered for.
"If you bring in a caterer, as we did for one dinner, you can all chip in and share most of the cost and there will be less clearing up and organising to do. We chose an oriental-themed menu from Jason Sasson for our dinner at my friend's house. He brought a delicious menu, with sushi to start with and then salmon skewers, cod en papillote and some salads, followed by chocolate brownies, Eton mess and fruit kebabs. It was all served buffetstyle and Jason stayed for the entire evening to help us."
Rose's recommendations
● Mix it up: The point is for the B-Mum's friends to meet ahead of the big day and get to know one another. If you want everyone to mingle, then having your meal in a restaurant may not be the best plan for you, as it's far harder to move around and chat to people you do not already know.
● Pros make life easier: It is worth paying to have the breakfast or lunch catered at home, as you do not have the fuss over who should bring what. You can negotiate a reasonable rate and add a little to cover drinks.
● Keep the menu light: A fish or vegetarian menu always goes down well and you are less likely to offend anyone. It also means that people are able to eat light if they want to.
The B-Mum
Alexandra Harris had a brunch thrown for her before the batmitzvah of her daughter, Olivia.
"I just pitched up and didn't have to do a thing," she says. "My sister-in-law, Vicky Snow and my Mum arranged it all for me and Mum - who is an amazing cook - made much of it herself.
"The original plan was to have a breakfast but no one could get there in time, so we moved it on a bit.
"Mum roasted a whole salmon, made her own mayonnaise and put together a few salads, including a potato one and a green one. She organised what my friends were bringing.
"One friend brought me a chocolate cake covered with chocolate confectionery and another commissioned some personalised cupcakes with Olivia's name on them."
Harris's handy tips
● Confer: Get your friends to bring their signature dishes but do give them a bit of guidance, so you don't end up with 20 desserts. We did have two noodle salads but they were very different and both delicious.
● No surprises: I was glad that I knew about the party, so I could make sure that the people I wanted to have there were invited. A surprise is a lovely idea but it would have been harder, perhaps, for the organisers to get in touch with all my friends.
● Outside office hours: When choosing the time of the party, it is worth bearing in mind what most people can do. A breakfast sounds attractive but it is going to be harder to get to for people who have a school run to do. And those friends who work may also struggle with daytimes.
Alexandra's last tip goes out to all the B-Mums: Enjoy the love - it is a gorgeous way to kick off a joyous event."
