New readers start here. A favourite catchphrase of the columnist Richard Littlejohn is "You couldn't make it up."

Much the same thought flickered briefly this morning as I listened to the long litany of excuses trotted out by MPs caught in the Telegraph's relentless spotlight over the parliamentary expenses scandal.

My absolute fave today was the Conservative woman (her name, mercifully, escapes me) who, having had the temerity to claim for dog food, now thinks that she's making things right by repaying the claim — a whole £4. This is not just chutzpah, this is 24-carat gold chutzpah. Like I said, A Littlejohn.