"You are children of the Lord, your God. You shall neither cut yourselves nor make any baldness between your eyes for the dead" Deuteronomy 14:1

Bereavements come in different ways but when they occur, the impact can be devastating. It is in this context that we approach the verse in our Torah prohibiting excessive outward displays of grief and mourning. We are taught that it is not appropriate to flay one's skin or pull out one's hair. We are children of God, the verse declares, and as such, even in our most difficult moments we are asked to hope and try to believe that where our loved ones have gone is a better place.

It is within this fine balance between faith and despair that we find the mitzvah of kriah, tearing a garment over the loss of a close relative at a funeral. Tearing a garment is a focused expression of loss. It is a statement that it is we who have experienced loss, it is our grief. The world is that much lonelier without our loved one and we miss them but ultimately they have moved on to a better place where there is no pain or sadness. So we effect the tear of a garment and not our skin as a sort of halfway point, distinguishing between our loss and absolute loss.

A prescribed form of grieving certainly is not without its challenges. Individuals rightfully wish to express their emotions in the way they choose. However, in this deep time of sorrow there just may be a comfort in knowing that ultimately we as a people are never alone and across the great Jewish expanse of this world there may be others at this very moment, rending their garments too in the ways of our people. Let us be with our mourners in their time of need and offer the blessing, "May God truly bring you comfort among all the other mourners of the Jewish people for Zion and Jerusalem".

Rabbi Elchonon Feldman