The Six Sins of JSwipe

November 24, 2016 23:06

Jewish dating is a perilous activity. Finding someone in this tiny pool of British Jews who is your age, your level of religious observance, and who you’re compatible with can make you feel like an Israelite wandering in the desert.

That’s where JSwipe comes in. This free app is an increasingly popular route for meeting other Jews who are available, interested and interesting. If you both swipe right on each other’s face, you can start chatting (and find out what you actually want to know about them)! But before you get to that (possibly) magical time, beware the pitfalls which so many trip over.

After using it for nearly two weeks here are my top tips…

1. Obscuring your face
It’s literally the only thing people care about when your circle pops up, but I can’t see your eyes/nose/dimples if they’re covered with sunglasses, friends or - worst of all - a light flare. It’s nice that you’re artsy, but utterly useless at telling me whether I like the most important piece of information you can give me at this point: your face.

2. Group shots
Same concept, different delivery. Which girl are you? This one? What’s in the mystery box? People: this is not a gambling site. You will not fool me into swiping right just in case you’re the more appealing person in the photo. I mean, you wouldn’t do that in a bar, right?
*Approaches a man with your friend* “Hi. Are you attracted?”
“To - wait, you or her?”
*Shrugs* “One of us. You don’t get to pick, though. Say yes and I’ll reveal who you’ve chosen.”

3. Duckface
Stop it. No pouting. No. Automatic left-swipe.

4. Standing far away in a bikini
This seems like it would be way too specific to deserve its own category, but here we are (actually - not that difficult. See 1, 2 and 3). In a system where I’m already struggling not to objectify you, considering that this kind of app promotes superficial, book-by-its-cover judgements, don’t make it completely impossible by presenting yourself as a body which is 32184874321 miles away, partially covered and has a unique face probably but who knows.

5. Kids
Unless your tagline is “These are my nephews! So cute!” or “Here are my two biological children for whom I am their guardian,” don’t have the smallest of our species in your photos. Without an explanation, it's just confusing. Are you a package deal? If I swipe right, am I accepting the little ones with the lovely one? Again, you wouldn’t bring a two-year-old to a bar. If she’s not your daughter, leave her out.

And finally...

6. Don’t just have cupcakes as your profile picture
This is pretty self-explanatory, but just in case - if you post a dessert instead of a face, you’re either too shy, too ugly or you think baking is your best attribute. Left swipe.

November 24, 2016 23:06

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