If you’re a single Jewish girl, you’ll experience one or more of these things today:

1) You wake up to a box of chocolates and note … from your mum. The note ends with a JDate subscription and ticket to a Jewish Care Jew-do – that you pocket for later.

2) All single friends WhatsApp each other: “Happy Galentine’s Day, girlieeeees." You cringe, but send back the obligatory xoxo.

3) You pop your first chocolate.

4) You remind yourself that you’re Jewish – St Valentine means nothing to you. He’s a Christian saint.

5) That’s right – you’re Jewish! It’s Friday night! Hooray for obligatory family food-fest. Better luck next year, boys.

6) You scoff at the “tacky” glitter-sprayed roses on your colleague’s desk – while checking Tinder for messages.

7) Your leggy, blonde boss offers you a spare bunch of flowers – she has five. You grit your teeth and take them home to grandma.

8) But your bubbe has set up a shidduch. Her friend’s nephew’s brother’s cousin is sitting beside you. He’s a bald accountant. “What do you want, a gorilla?” hisses your mother.

9) You pop another chocolate - and send the required Mazel Tov to your eighth Facebook friend – pictures of engagement rings and #couplefies dominate your homepage.

10) That won’t do. You spread Nutella over your challah. Screw love, the pagan holiday and all the tacky tin-foil that goes with it. This is the perfect marriage.

For more on the single girl, Valentine's Day, Jewish mothers and marriage - check out Abigail Radnor’s comment piece here.