And so we didn’t even manage to get to the end of January without breaking our resolutions. More pointedly, Amy Winehouse didn’t. Just 20 days into the year, the singer turned up at court in Milton Keynes charged with drunkenly assaulting a theatre manager during a pantomime performance (my first thought was: “what on earth was Amy Winehouse doing at a panto starring Mickey Rooney?”).
Anyway, it was more a case of ‘oh yes she did’ than ‘oh no she didn’t’. Winehouse pleaded guilty, and admitted to pulling the man’s hair and calling him a word that ends in unt but isn’t punt. She was spared jail because she is a celebrity. (Cough. Splutter. No, because she has subsequently taken steps to curb her drinking).
Amy now has a two-year conditional discharge, to add to her two cautions for similar offences. Indeed, we’ve become as used to seeing pictures of her tottering into a court room, blouse revealing a flash of cleavage, as we have her stumbling out of the Hawley Arms in Camden, eyes wild with alcohol and goodness knows what else. (Once, a very long time ago, I attended a friend’s birthday party there, which was only slightly marred by Winehouse drunkenly throwing chips at people from a nearby table. We were too terrified to tell her to stop).
In a matter of just a few short years, she has changed from fabulous Jewish Princess to a frightening husk of her former self. One worries that it is only a matter of time before she becomes better known for her criminal record than her singing ones. And the problem? I think we all know what that is, or rather who that is: that ghastly Blake Fielder Civil, whom she married, divorced, and now plans to re-marry.
Here is a man of such charm that 11 days after their divorce came through, he revealed to the Sun that Winehouse had stolen cocaine from Kate Moss. “We did some in the toilets and had sex,” he said, “but we did the rest in front of everyone.” How sweet.
The rule of thumb is that you should never get back with an ex
Here is a man of such romance that he gave Winehouse her first hit of heroin, which she immediately became addicted to. They were drinking pink champagne at the time, so that’s OK. And here is a man so loyal to his former wife that it was recently revealed he had been unfaithful to her while in rehab (apparently not the first time he has cheated on her).
Yet it seems that Amy is as addicted to Blake as she was to drugs. In defiance, she recently tweeted the simple line: “i love Blake”. But it’s not just that he is clearly a poisonous influence on her. The rule of thumb in relationships is that you should never, ever, get back with an ex. If you spend the whole time arguing and then making up, you are not like some latter-day Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. You are just really, really tiresome, and probably boring the hell out of your friends.
All that reuniting with a former lover does is prolong the pain of a break-up. Blake Fielder-Civil is an ex for a reason. As Amy’s father recently said: “Hopefully she’ll settle down and meet a nice Jewish cabbie and give me some grandchildren.” And make more music, as opposed to court appearances.