Jump to Main ContentJump to Primary Navigation

Doctors expose my blind spot

    On Sunday, I went on a blind date. I was fully prepared. My 17-year-old daughter had texted me my instructions: “Dad, don’t be on the phone the whole time — in fact don’t even take your BlackBerry. Don’t talk about yourself the whole time. Don’t try and be funny the whole time. Don’t be late”.

    I got there one minute early and I’d only just got off my Vespa scooter when my phone rang.
    I managed to wedge it under my helmet.
    “I’m behind you!” a woman’s voice said.
    “ What! Where? Who is this?”
    “It’s me! Your blind date!”

    “Wait a minute… how do you even know what I look like? It’s a blind date… I’m meant to be a surprise! I’ve got a big white crash helmet on my head!”
    Perhaps she’d got there at dawn and staked the place out. Did she have binoculars? Was she in a tree?
    Suddenly, out of nowhere, a very attractive young woman appeared. Was my date a female version of David Blaine?
    She smiled. “Hello!”

    “Where did you just come from?” I asked.
    “I was at my doctor’s round the corner… I go there all the time,” she said.
    “You were at your doctor’s on a Sunday? I thought it was impossible to see a GP even on a weekday, let alone a Sunday. Are you ill?”
    “No, I’m perfectly fine. I see him all the time. I’m a hypochondriac,” she said.
    “Really? You’re a hypochondriac? That’s not really a great thing to tell me,” I said. “Not in the first five seconds of our first date. Trust me. Take a tip for the future — maybe you should think about waiting two, possibly even five minutes if you can hold it in, before announcing you’re a hypochondriac. Not ‘Hello, good morning! I’m a hypochondriac.’ It’s a little, you know…”

    “A little what? Weird?”
    “Yes, precisely. It’s a little… weird”.

    We were still standing on the pavement, when my phone rang.
    I totally forgot my daughter’s instructions. I answered it. Unbelievably, it was my doctor.
    “Hi, Peter! I’m in South Kensington… do you want to meet for a drink?”
    “Sure,” I said, “why not?” I told him where we were and hung up.

    “OK… look, you are not going to believe this, but that was my doctor. He’s a very good friend and, by chance, he’s round the corner. He’s coming to join us for a drink. You don’t mind, do you? Do you want to invite your doctor along as well? Make up a foursome? That way, if either of us gets food poisoning it could save a lot of time. We’ll have two doctors with us. No waiting for hours at A&E. What do you think?”
    “What do I think?” she said. “Do you really want to know what I think? I think you’re weird”.
    “Me weird?” I said. “He’s really very nice, you’ll like Dr Chris, are you quite sure you don’t want to invite your doctor?”(Probably not to be continued.)

Blogs

Negotiating relationships at a non-Jewniversity

Student Views

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Negotiating relationships at a non-Jewniversity
Comment

Leonard Cohen: the mensch who always remembered...

Jenni Frazer

Leonard Cohen: the mensch who always remembered...
Columnists

Pray America repudiates Trump

Jonathan Freedland

Thursday, November 3, 2016

Pray America repudiates Trump
Columnists

Corbyn, Castro and the fraternal toleration of ...

David Aaronovitch

Thursday, December 1, 2016

Corbyn, Castro and the fraternal toleration of ...
Columnists

A prejudice unlike any other

Melanie Phillips

Thursday, November 10, 2016

A prejudice unlike any other
Columnists

You know, you really don't look it

David Aaronovitch

Friday, October 21, 2016

You know, you really don't look it
Columnists

Having hope in Trump is naive

Daniel Finkelstein

Thursday, November 17, 2016

Having hope in Trump is naive
Columnists

Beware of the Bonfire Night toffee hazard!

Susan Reuben

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Beware of the Bonfire Night toffee hazard!
Columnists

Moderate left is ready to rally

Daniel Finkelstein

Friday, October 7, 2016

Moderate left is ready to rally