Best get the excuses in early, I suppose…and yesterday’s Daily Mail offered a classic as we count down the hours to tonight’s World Cup semi-final against Argentina: “Lionel Messi gets his favourite referee for England vs Argentina World Cup semi-final despite conspiracy theories that tournament is 'rigged’”.
I don’t claim to be a football expert – I support Spurs, after all – but if you ask me, this Argentina team are ripe for the taking. They struggled to beat those footballing giants Cape Verde and Egypt and were outplayed by Switzerland for most of their quarter-final. Surely Harry, Jude, Djed and their mates can put the Argies in their place?
But it’s England v Argentina. Even if we did beat them in 2002, when we last played them in the World Cup (although that was in the group stage), there’s usually something that turns the match into a later grudge. In 1986 it was the Hand of God when, with the match at 0-0, Maradona punched the ball into the net (we’ll ignore the goal that came four minutes later, when Maradona weaved past four England players and scored possibly the greatest World Cup ever). Then in 1998 Beckham was sent off at 2-2 for retaliating against an unpunished Simeone foul. We lost on penalties.
As for what to expect tonight, the conspiracy theorists have already run riot. And when it’s conspiracy time, it’s Jew time! After Egypt’s game against Australia, their manager Hossam Hassan ran around the pitch draped in a Palestinian flag. But following their loss to Argentina, the fans decided it was all the Jews’ fault because referee Francois Letexier was Jewish. This was big news - not least to Letexier, who is as Jewish as the Pope. His Wikipedia page was edited after the match to say that he is Jewish. And who needs facts when you can blame the Jews? As for Hassan; he was more focused on FIFA than the Jews, accusing the ref of screwing the match to ensure Argentina won: “They want Argentina and Messi to stay for marketing. This match was clearly rigged, and the whole world witnessed it.”
So you can see why the Mail has offered another conspiracy, this one in advance: “Fears of World Cup favouritism towards Argentina have been heightened after FIFA confirmed Lionel Messi's favourite referee will officiate…Ismail Elfath will be the man in the middle…Elfath was the fourth official in Qatar when Argentina beat France to win the 2022 World Cup and his encounters with Messi have increased since the forward signed for MLS outfit Inter Miami in July 2023…Messi has been officiated four times by Elfath - winning on all of those occasions.”
On the other hand, now that the rest of the country – nay, the world! – has joined Spurs fans and cottoned on to the defensive giant that is Djed Spence, what have we to fear? And yes, I acknowledge the contribution of the Gooners to the England team. Come on Declan! Come on Bukayo! Come on Noni! Come on Eberechi!
Well, maybe not that last one. Because here’s the thing. Not all of us actually care that much about the World Cup. I think of it as a fun summer diversion when real football is taking a break (just one more reason why Qatar 2022 was so awful). If we win, yippee. But if we don’t…it’s only just over a month until proper football that actually matters starts again.
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