Maureen Lipman

I need a man to find the dipstick but still find Citroën’s story fascinating

A trip to see Ballet Shoes and some musing about cars

There I was, childishly delighted to drink my own face

In the Orient Hotel in Jerusalem I was presented with a cappuccino with my likeness on it. In froth. Don’t ask me how they did it or why I was singled out for special treatment

As I walked past the Kibbutz Be’eri blast holes, I wished Dawn French had been alongside me

I wish all the sneering, B-list deniers had seen the bomb damage first hand

The libel of bleeding kids for matzos was a stroke of PR genius

At this year’s Ajax parade, the words, ‘in these days of rising anti-Semitism’, were spoken more times, I suspect, than at past events

It’s probably easier to point out great lyricists who weren’t Jewish

From Irving Berlin down through to Neil Diamond, Bob Dylan and my own favourites, Dory Previn and Leonard Cohen, all have the same ethnicity. I’m exaggerating… please don’t write in.

At airports, I must be accompanied at all times by a responsible adult

Why all travellers should thank the Jewish inventor who put thousands of porters out of a job

Sit in a corner and ask to find out what history wants you to know

Imagine if Jews had committed any of these bestial slaughters

The muted reaction to the return of the hostages begs the question of whether we have become immune to Islamist terror

Are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin my story …

Why my wedding presents are all headed for Ukraine

As a baby boomer, I’d never experienced a whiff of ‘you people’ in my life

Maureen’s off to see her daughter’s play

Supportive messages from non-Jews filled my inbox. All I could reply was ‘Thank you. It begins. Again’

The Producers made us feel clubbily Jewish, very grown up, very cool and very hip

Maureen attends a first night and the funeral of a duchess