When my wife and I were planning to have a baby, she was more ready than I was. I was mainly worried about how good I’d be as a dad because I’d had a difficult childhood. I felt anxious, overwhelmed and low. I found myself worrying about the lifestyle change, whether I’d cope, if I’d be too anxious or short-tempered. It affected me socially too. I became very withdrawn and struggled to talk to people.
So, I decided to reach out to Jami for help with personal issues I wanted to work through before becoming a father.
I turned to them because having a Jewish organisation was very important to me. I had tried non-Jewish therapy at university, but the therapists struggled to understand the cultural pressures. When I had the initial assessment with Jami, we spoke about what was available, and I went down the route of having Talking Therapies with Faye.
When therapy started, we explored why I was worried about being a father, which led to talking about my own father and childhood. It was tense growing up. My father had anger and anxiety issues. Confronting him was always difficult. Faye helped me work through that, and once we did, we could talk about the baby and what becoming a parent meant.
Faye was fantastic – very empathetic and gave me space to talk. She offered suggestions without forcing advice. She helped me think practically. We gradually worked towards me having a conversation with my parents about my childhood. I eventually managed to, and while it was difficult, it helped long-term, and our relationship is better now.
The flexibility of my weekly online sessions with Faye was really helpful. I am a shift-worker and Faye was very good at helping me to move a session if I needed to over the course of the three to four months we saw each other. Each session would start with how my week had been and follow up from the previous session. Then we discussed current issues and how to confront them. Sessions usually ended with things to work on that week. Faye picked up on things I didn’t realise were important. I was able to be myself without judgment. I felt listened to. Discussing Jewish topics was easier because she understood them. We spoke about family, marriage, doubts, everything – and she helped me work through them.
Having Talking Therapies has given me more confidence at work, more confidence to deal with confrontation, and more confidence in myself. I have also become more confident about being a parent, better at dealing with my parents and siblings, and more able to do things I’d previously avoided. I have learnt to forgive myself for things I thought were my fault. Talking Therapies has helped me to understand past issues I hadn’t realised were still affecting me. And I’m now more able to deal with day-to-day issues, more confident to speak up, and more able to represent who I am.
Being unsure about therapy is normal. However, the sooner someone accepts they need support, the sooner they can move forward. There shouldn’t be stigma. People use therapy more than we realise. If we fix a broken bone, why not get help for something we deal with every day in our mind?
Jami’s Talking Therapies service is affordable and easy to access, providing both online and in-person support through a wide range of therapists, including Jewish ones, who understand cultural context. This is crucial for our community.
I think I could have been a father without the therapy, but Jami helped me be a better father. They helped me work through anxiety, fears about being short-tempered, financial worries and health worries – all of it. I am so grateful Jami was there for me.
To find out more about Jami’s Talking Therapies service, which supports people from aged 11, visit: jamiuk.org or click here
If you would like to help support the service, visit charityextra.com/jami or click here
*The name has been changed
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