'If I, sub-standard semi-shiksa that I am, had not been made welcome under the chupah, would my husband still be leading a Jewish life? Would our son have had a barmitzvah? I doubt it.'
October 25, 2020 15:38
Step aside. I am baying for blood.
My occasional column for the JC, Diary of a Semi-Shiksa, offers my view of Judaism, my sense of at once belonging and not-belonging. I write about my attempts to get it right while frequently falling short (eg eating quiche Lorraine in my car because it can’t cross the mezuzah-line….).
When Ben and I first decided to marry, we went to see a Reform Rabbi. I am half-Jewish by birth on my father’s side. My mother was not Jewish but also not Christian – a woman who defied any kind of label but atheist-humanist would come closest to it. We’d been advised that this particular rabbi was sympathetic to ‘mixed’ marriages, although neither of us saw it that way. We were misinformed. She implied that it was such a shame that Ben wanted to marry me when there were so many eligible proper Jewish women out there. We left shocked and speechless. Unless we could find a genuinely sympathetic rabbi, we would have to opt for a registry office ceremony.
Norman Lebrecht lambasts Liberal Judaism for allowing a chupah even if one of the partners isn’t Jewish (Isolation Diaries, 23 October), calling it ‘a step too far’. As if in support, he declares: ‘The Pope wouldn’t marry a non-Catholic…’
Since when did we look to the Vatican to lead the way on what we should do as Jews (and half-Jews)? Surely one of Judaism’s strengths is the way it grapples with questions of faith, ethics and practice itself? Why should it be constantly checking what the Pope or the General Synod is up to?
I took some conversion and Hebrew classes at the Liberal synagogue (LJS, St John’s Wood), had to write about how I perceived my Jewish identity, and appear before a progressive Rabbinical Board. I do not know if Mr Lebrecht would consider me ‘a proper Jew’. The Board did – but what do they know, they’re only Liberals!
By allowing us a chupah and the joys of a Jewish wedding, the Board also gave a welcome stamp of approval to our desire to create a Jewish marriage and a Jewish household. Our son had a bris. He had a barmitzvah. We even go to shul sometimes (not just for High Holy Days). Yes, I still eat treif – but not at home. The Husband and The Teen do not. Ever.
If I, sub-standard semi-shiksa that I am, had not been made welcome under the chupah, would my husband still be leading a Jewish life? Would our son have had a barmitzvah? I doubt it.
What benefit is there in shunning non-Jews or half-Jews that want to embrace a Jewish life? To make sure that our numbers don’t grow? Mr Lebrecht says: ‘Open up the ceremony to a partner who is not Jewish and the chupah has as much holiness as a factory-reject colander.’
The tone is all too reminiscent of those who would block all immigration – once you let them in, the decline of civilisation cannot be far behind.
Has he considered the possibility that maybe even a goy might have something to offer a marriage, a community, a faith?
