A childhood memory. Alphonse Daudet wrote many stories that French children read avidly. One of them, La chèvre de Monsieur Seguin, Mister Seguin’s goat, tells of a goat who was bored to live on his farm and decided to take a chance in the mountain, where a wolf resides and has already killed the previous goats that had escaped. 

She arrives on the top of the mountain in broad daylight and enjoys her freedom but in the evening, the wolf comes out and tries to kill her. She fights with bravery the entire night, hoping to stay alive until dawn breaks, and when the sun rises, exhausted, she gives up and is eaten by the wolf. 

Her unique goal was to taste some freedom, even if it meant to die. She achieved just that and managed to see another day. 
Jacob did not die but he was left forever changed. He became crippled, and he received a new name, “Isra-el”, the one who wrestled with God. Hosea (12:4) identifies this being with an angel, who is also later named as “divine being” (29 & 31). 

That is a fact of the human condition, that we are sometime lonely, struggling with our angel or our destiny. Life’s challenges do not leave us unchanged. Every loss, every new turn, every decision — whether bad or good — leaves a trace in our journey and on our body. 

However frightening they may appear, these nights are actually necessary. In order to become who we really are, we need to face our inner truth in the darkness of night and to wrestle with it. Those of us who suffer from insomnia know that night is often a creative time, when new ideas arise from the silence that surrounds us. Every night, every day we give birth to a new self. Sometime it is easy, sometime not. And sometime, something has to die.