Many non-Jewish seminaries laud the psychological benefits of our demarcated approach to mourning. Unsurprisingly, other clergy enquire about our bereavement rituals. It is relatively easy to explain our haste with burying the dead; for the harsh reality of a funeral, including that unbearable first thud of earth hitting the coffin, can help someone transition from deep denial towards facing the reality of their loss.
Equally important is the immediacy of the shivah - a week spent grieving, including seeking comfort from the living and from our memories. This focused time frame impresses other clergy, who find delayed funeral processes to be psychologically stagnating. They are, likewise, complimentary about holding a stone-setting at 11 months and marking a yahrzeit each year.

Where they struggle is with the concept of shloshim, especially when we admit that fewer people now mark this 30-day milestone. The Israelites spent a month mourning Aaron, which is why our intensive mourning process eases after 30 days. In fact, mourning for anyone other than parents is supposed to cease after 30 days. I struggle to advocate this for grieving spouses, or devastated parents, yet I respect that after a month we have to start trying to live our life, not our loss.

There are many ways to mark the shloshim. I wait to delete someone's number on my mobile phone until the end of 30 days. Other people have their own rituals, including writing to friends and family. Recently, I read Facebook chief operating officer Sheryl Sandberg's loving tribute, marking 30 days since her husband's passing:
"I have lived 30 years in these 30 days, I am 30 years sadder. I feel like I am 30 years wiser."

However we mark our stages of loss, we are fortunate to have a wise and experienced tradition with us at every step.