School report: how to keep our digital balance

Consider online safety – social psychologist Jonathan Haidt believes we’ve overprotected children in the real world and underprotected them online. He’s right. Most children only learn how to keep themselves safe online through school; too many parents only broach the topic after a dodgy Roblox interaction or inappropriate TikTok trend.

Moving further up Maslow’s hierarchy, we see psychological needs like love, belonging, self-esteem and cognition. One of the most important threads connecting these needs is communication. I don’t believe it’s an exaggeration to say many children don’t get these needs fully met at home.

Children are being raised in a world where screens have become the third parent: exposure to language outside school is increasingly passive. So we cannot be surprised that their emotional literacy is also inherently linked to digital media.

Please don’t misunderstand me: this is not a rant about the evils of screen time. I firmly believe that well-placed digital tools can support learning – just as well, since I’m the computing lead at my school.

Nor is this a critique of modern parenting. We are all juggling pressures, from financial insecurity to two working parents. Time for sustained interactions is often in short supply.

Before communication comes thought. Before thought comes attention. And attention is the foundation of learning. Yet we live in an attention economy – a world designed to erode focus.

Social media platforms make billions keeping us hooked. A 2020 study estimated TikTok allowed 1.4 million under-13s to use its platform. It’s no coincidence we’re seeing an explosion in attention deficit diagnosis.

In schools, we’re terrified of bored children – or bored Ofsted inspectors. Lessons are packed with content that there’s no room left for stillness or simplicity. Yet boredom is the birthplace of creativity and a catalyst for problem-solving. Out of school, screens have become the go-to cure for boredom. But they don’t solve the problem.

Let’s not kid ourselves: it’s not just the kids. How many of us half-listen to our children while scrolling Instagram or replying to emails? We can’t expect children to regulate screen time when we don’t model it ourselves.

It’s tempting to point fingers, but blame isn’t helpful. We need partnership. Children thrive when home and school are aligned. That means:

*Shared screen-time boundaries like device-free dinners

*Family charters supported by schools

*Intentional time for thinking, free from distraction

*Prioritising face-to-face connection.

Children’s needs haven’t changed as much as we think. How we meet them has. It needs to be okay again for children – and adults – to be bored.

In the end, it’s not algorithms that raise our children.

It’s us.

Matthew Smerin is a PaJeS Lira Winston Fellow and deputy head at Mathilda Marks-Kennedy Jewish Primary School

The JC is hosting a discussion on ‘Parenting in the Digital Age’ with Nova Eden and Baroness Luciana Berger on Thursday October 16 at a London NW3 venue. Tickets can be bought at go.thejc.com/gwparenting