I am frequently asked why this is happening. The truth is, there isn’t one answer. Every child’s story is different. For some, it’s bullying, for others, trauma, loss, or anxiety, triggered by environments that feel unsafe or overwhelming.
How do we respond when a child is in distress? How do we support young people whose nervous systems are overwhelmed?
I have sat with parents at kitchen tables, in meetings, and in moments of crisis. Different families, different children, different circumstances, but one theme comes up again and again: isolation.
Parents of children experiencing EBSA so often feel alone in their worry, their exhaustion, and, perhaps most painfully, in feeling judged. Judged by family, by friends and even by themselves.
And yet, this is no longer a small or hidden issue. Nearly one in five pupils in England is now persistently absent from school, the highest level recorded.
Around half of all secondary school pupils have avoided school in the past year because of anxiety. Behind those numbers are children and families quietly struggling, day after day.
Together with PaJeS, Gateways recently hosted our first EBSA conference, attended by over 100 people.
The Gateways team (Credit: courtesy)[Missing Credit]
For years, I wondered what would happen if we could get everyone in one room: parents, educators, clinicians, advocates, not to debate blame or responsibility, but to listen and understand, to see the whole picture.
What struck me most was the feeling in the room. It was safe. Parents didn’t have to explain themselves or defend their choices. They didn’t have to justify why mornings are hard, or why attendance cannot simply be forced. For many, it was the first time they felt truly seen, heard and believed.
EBSA is not a parenting failure, a school failure, or a child “not coping.” It is a signal of distress, a child whose system is overwhelmed and communicating in the only way they can.
Too often, our response is pressure rather than compassion and judgement rather than support. When that happens, families retreat further into isolation.
What that room showed, is what’s possible when we do things differently: when we lead with empathy, listen before we label, and focus on understanding.
We must shift how we respond to EBSA. We need to move from asking, “Why won’t this child go to school?” to “What is this child trying to tell us?”.
That one evening was a small step, but a powerful reminder of the more compassionate, supportive response that children and families have been waiting for, and one we must make the standard, not the exception.
Laurence Field is the chief executive of Gateways
