It was not just Michael Owen’s hat-trick for Manchester United in Germany this week that reminded us what the England team is missing. There was a little vignette in Tottenham Hotspur’s game with Everton last Sunday that should nag at a few consciences, too.
Tottenham were leading 2-0 and looked very comfortable when, in the 77th minute, Peter Crouch was put through by Niko Kranjcar with only Tim Howard, the Everton goalkeeper, to beat. It was the sort of opportunity a centre-forward works all game to carve out, but Crouch stroked it wide. It happens. Yet was Crouch angry? Was he cursing? Was he even a little hacked off? Apparently not. He merely turned away, with a philosophical smile, as if to say: ‘Well, blow me down. What are the chances of that?’
He probably thought, like the rest of us, that Tottenham were cruising to an easy victory and third place in the Premier League. He figured his miss would not matter. Then, a minute later, Louis Saha scored for Everton. And with four minutes to go, so did Tim Cahill. In injury time, Jermain Defoe missed a penalty for Tottenham and reports the next day centred on that, particularly as Defoe is an England striker and this is World Cup season. With the tournament draw still fresh in our minds, Defoe – plus England’s penalty taker, Frank Lampard – both missed from the spot in the same weekend. The headlines wrote themselves.
Yet Crouch is an England striker, too. And his failure looked worst of all, because it appeared to mean so little. Maybe that is just his demeanour. He is a nice guy, a footballer who likes to play with a smile when he can. So why did it seem so inappropriate? The eventual circumstances of the match did not help, but even before Everton scored twice it felt wrong to see a striker treat such a glaring error with good humour. Owen would not do that. He might miss, because all strikers do on occasions, but he would not take it lightly. And if there is one chance to be scored against Germany in a World Cup semi-final, I would rather it fell to the guy whose life, metaphorically, depended on it.
The greatest goal-scorers have the ruthless dead eyes of sharks. Alan Shearer used to say that it did not matter who scored the goals, while making sure it was him. When he went to Newcastle United, the number nine shirt was specified in his contract. Les Ferdinand had it at the time. He was offered whatever other number he fancied and cheekily chose 99. Shearer’s people vetoed that, too.
Nobody wants a striker who is wreaked in anguish if the ball goes the wrong side of a post, but it should mean more than a shrug. Crouch will be picked over Owen at the World Cup next year because he can play Emile Heskey’s role. We must hope, however, that if there is one chance in a game with Brazil it falls to a man not so accepting of human frailty; because, if goes wrong, Fabio Capello does not look like the sort of guy who will see the funny side.