What makes you, you?

We’ve all experienced the dreaded question; “so, tell me a little bit about yourself?” Whether it’s on a date or in an interview, we’ve all had to scramble for an answer. Do they want to know I watched the whole first season of Jane the Virgin in a week? Or that one of my favourite foods is pickles?

Last Wednesday, in a Genesis talk with therapist Kim Schwartz, we were asked to identify a core characteristic of ourselves. Her caveat was that it only counts as a core characteristic if it’s a trait that you’ve always had. If you had asked me two years ago to describe myself and my values, I would have found it an easy question to answer. I would have told you I am a volunteer, that I was going to study psychology, that my family is the most important thing to me, that I hate exercise, and that I’m a practising Jew but that I would never consider marrying out.

Fast forward two years and some of those answers would now be different. Today I would tell you I’m a university student studying, and loving, education. I would tell you that I go to the gym three times a week and really enjoy running. I would also tell you that I now (try to) keep Shabbat and keep kosher, but that I recently had a non-Jewish boyfriend. The fact is, I am a very different person from the pre-uni me, two years ago.

Most probably, if you were to ask me the same question in another two years’ time, my answer would be entirely different again. I will hopefully be a graduate, focussing on becoming a primary school teacher. I would like to be in a stable relationship, and on my way to becoming a ‘proper’ adult. The reality is, as we go through life, our identity changes. We are all on a journey to discovering who we are, and if that means that we adapt over time, then that’s okay. Our beliefs, values and what makes us, us, change through our experiences.