My name is Isabella Segal. I am 59 years old and live in North West London. I am a chartered accountant and a partner in a 17-partner firm where I head up the forensic accounting department.
But that’s not all there is to me.
From early childhood, I have struggled with issues surrounding my gender identity. I grew up in North West London in a lovely, warm secular Jewish family with my late Dad, my Mum (Ruth) and my younger sister.
However, as a child I would pray every night that when I woke up the next morning I would be a girl.
At that time I was hiding my inner feelings and suppressed my overriding ache to be female. I grew up unable to share my feelings and concerns about my gender identity. This was entirely my issue and I did not want to or feel able to discuss this with anyone. From the age of about eight, I cross-dressed in secret.
When I was 11 I started at an all-boys grammar school. It was a pretty miserable time as what I really wanted was to go to the adjoining girls’ school – but it wasn’t to be. I frequently escaped from rugby lessons on a Wednesday afternoon to go home and spend quality time in secret as a girl.
I tried to hide my inner feelings by over-compensating and acting ‘macho’. I felt that I was living a lie.
I now know that I had gender dysphoria – which you may know as transgender - a condition where a person experiences discomfort or distress because there is a mismatch between their biological sex and gender identity. But I wasn’t diagnosed with this until well into adulthood and tried to live happily as an adult man.
I met my wife in 1978. She is one of the nicest people I know. I was hoping that my gender dysphoria would go away if I was living with her. We married in 1981; my son was born in 1985 and my daughter in 1988.
My gender issues were always at the back of my mind and I have suffered from depression from childhood as a result, but again I felt I could not share this with anyone.
I threw myself into my work which I hoped would ease things and in 1989 I founded my own firm of chartered accountants. However, I wasn’t happy and felt like the hamster on a treadmill; I didn’t think there was much I could do.
In about 2005 my sister was diagnosed with cancer and she fought an incredible and dignified fight. My Dad passed away in January 2011 aged 79 and shortly afterwards my sister’s cancer returned and was diagnosed as terminal. I re-examined my life.
After consulting specialist doctors who confirmed what I already knew I started living and working as female in May 2013.
I am still the same person and continued to do the same good job. At work my partners and staff are totally supportive of my transition and my clients have been very understanding.
Meanwhile, my home life is settling down. I still live with my wife and we are trying to find a way forward, although she has had difficulty accepting my transition. My son and daughter are accepting and friends, with only two notable exceptions, are really supportive.
My Mum, Ruth, is my hero. She has been totally accepting and supportive of my transition. She has been a rock. She is the one who has listened to my moans and tears. Not once has she questioned me. She is my mainstay support and I am so lucky to have her.
In May 2015 I had my gender re-assignment surgery and now have the female body I have always wanted and felt I should have.
One of my major concerns in starting on my journey concerned my Jewish identity. Whilst I am secular, I want to live my traditional Jewish lifestyle. I am a member of the United Synagogue but was not sure how they would react to my transition. In 2011 I attended Limmud and went to some LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) sessions. This was where I met an activist who introduced me to Beit Klal Yisrael (BKY) Synagogue, an all-embracing Liberal Jewish community. The Rabbi at BKY totally understood my situation and spent many hours talking with me about my gender issues. I enjoyed going to at BKY and made some valued and close new LGBT friends.
Having been a member of United Synagogue for over 30 years pre-transition, I did not settle to the format of the Liberal Jewish service and in September 2013, when my sister passed away, I wanted to return to the US. I met with my Rabbi who was understanding of my transition. He suggested that I make a fresh start at another local synagogue, which I did. The new community welcomed me warmly and I feel comfortable and accepted. I am so pleased.
I want to share my story at Limmud as there may be individuals who, like me, feel unable to share their concerns about their sexuality or gender identity. Undoubtedly, attending LGBT sessions at Limmud showed me that I was not alone and there is a way forward in the Jewish community.
I am co-presenting a session on my journey at Limmud on Tuesday 29 December 2015 at 7.35pm. Please do come along.
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