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ByJay Rayner, Jay Rayner

Opinion

I'm sorry for being so shameless

October 23, 2014 13:09
2 min read

A couple of weeks ago The Journal of Experimental Psychology published a paper by Karina Schumann, a scholar at Stanford University. It has the snappy title "An affirmed self and a better apology: The effect of self-affirmation on transgressors' responses to victims." It argues that we're awful at saying sorry because we hate feeling bad about ourselves. Therefore, if we spend a few minutes before apologising, reminding ourselves how great we are, our apology will be more heartfelt.

Certainly, there's no shortage of people who could use the advice. In the past few weeks the American vice-president, Joe Biden, has had to apologise to the Turkish Prime Minister for questioning his commitment to challenging the threat posed by Isis. The police chief of Fergusson, Missouri, has had to say sorry for the way he dealt with the aftermath of the police shooting of Michael Brown, which led to riots. The Police Service of Northern Ireland has apologised for delays to criminal record checks, Facebook has apologised for forcing drag queens to register under their real names, and actor Danny Dyer has apologised to baking queen Mary Berry for sticking his tongue in her ear during an awards ceremony. Dark days indeed.

There's nothing extraordinary about this list. Every week brings another tsunami of remorse; indeed, saying sorry is the new shaking hands. I can't pretend to be entirely surprised. After all, in many ways, I predicted it. Ten years ago, I published a foodie novel called The Apologist, about a restaurant critic who decides to apologise for everything he's ever done wrong.

He becomes so good at it he's appointed Chief Apologist to the United Nations, employed to travel the world apologising for the sins of slavery, colonialism and so on.