Opinion
I wanted to help others with their loss, but no one would let me
Why did charities turn me away, asks Tricia Kay
March 28, 2019 10:51
2 min read
Why did charities turn me away, asks Tricia Kay
March 28, 2019 10:51In 2017, I lost my second husband to cancer. It was a tragic blow on so many counts. My first husband died from cancer 20 years earlier when he was only 56 leaving me a widow at 51. I was on my own for almost nine years when my life was changed by meeting a wonderful man who swept me off my feet at the age of 60. I started living again. We enjoyed life to the full until eleven years later — cancer once again took away the man I loved.
I do not deny I am heartbroken and grieving. I was 71 and alone again. I lost both my parents by the time I was 13, our first child was stillborn and now I have lost two husbands — but life is not predictable and we have to deal with the hand we are given.
A few months after my husband passed away, I decided I wanted to use my time effectively to help others and give some meaning back to my life. I approached the charity, Chai, as they were supportive to my husband throughout his cancer treatment. I wanted to give my time and support in all the good work they do. I am CRB checked, have worked in a Jewish Care residential home on a voluntary basis for over six years and have been a voluntary counsellor.
“But I was told that until I had been bereaved two years I could not be considered for any voluntary work. I was shocked and at a loss as to why they would reject my support without even meeting me.
I also approached Mount Vernon Hospital where my husband was treated for the last years of his life. I offered to sponsor the setting up of a group for coffee mornings including the advertising and printing of literature for families affected by the loss of a loved one, as I was not offered support. Once again, I was told: “Contact us after two years”.
What was going to happen in 24 months to make me a more suitable volunteer? I have dealt with grief — I am dealing with grief. I understand loss, I speak the language. I have travelled the road — I know the bumps and know how to overcome them better than most. I want to use my experience to help other people— is that so wrong?
In the last days of my husband’s life he was treated by a local hospice with their wonderful service “hospice at home”. For us, it was immensely helpful. It meant I could have my husband in his own home with all the facilities to make him comfortable but with the nursing facilities he required right up until the end — they were there for us. Six months after his death I offered my time to the hospice. They said I should contact them a year after bereavement.
The JC is full of articles crying out for volunteers but when you try, it is harder than applying for an actual job. Why push away caring, willing prospects who could give years of service?
I didn’t want to shut myself away. I wanted to use my experience in a positive and worthwhile way. Surely by helping other people we would all benefit?
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