"What do they do but return straight to their house to throw their arms around their daughter and comfort her after the death of her brother?
"Or do they take comfort from their ageing parents who envelop them in an embrace?”
Compassion, she said, was “not always the the best leadership. Not giving people impossible choices is sometimes much fairer.
"Don’t make a spouse in their 80s make the choice as to whether they come to the hospital to say goodbye. Don’t make the 50-year-old son choose to say goodbye to his mother and then isolate from his family so he is left to mourn alone.
“Don’t make people choose whether to be honest about if they think they may pose a risk in the hospital or the crematorium.
"Too many of us we will choose wrongly, we will go and say goodbye, letting emotion take over in those heart breaking moments, and in the compassion of giving us choice you give us a Hobson’s choice.
“Reassure us that our hospital staff are being the compassionate accompanying angels we want to believe they have time to be, but don’t encourage us into those hospitals making us a threat to our NHS work force or making our final goodbye to our loved one the moment that infects us too.”
Many hospitals were maintaining a no-visitor policy, she said. “But if you or someone you know finds themselves given this terrible choice, please please prioritise yourselves and all those living and know that a lifetime of kisses, handholding and kind wise words will always be more powerful than any final ones can be.”
It was “not about who is at the bedside in the final moment,” she said. “It’s about how we give our dying dignity and our mourners support.”
