'Better late than never': celebrating a batmitzvah at 83

“My trajectory to Reform began when I got divorced – a long time ago now! – about 30 years ago,” she said, “I realised that my membership of my Orthodox shul had ceased because I was part of a family package”.

Ms Conn, who had been living in Charedi areas of north Manchester, moved to Didsbury where she met people who were members of Menorah. “I used to go on rambles with them, and I got on with them very well and I joined,” she recalls.

“The main thing that attracted me to Reform was the egalitarianism,” she said, explaining that she saw her batmitzvah as a feminist and progressive step.

“We have the opportunity, and we are in a progressive community, but it annoys me that some women don’t take that opportunity.”

“I have to say that two women have told me that they will follow my example and that they will have a batmitzvah, a late one,” she continued.

After joining Menorah, Ms Conn – a journalist and television producer by profession – had a “meteoric” rise from editing the synagogue newspaper to becoming chair of Menorah Synagogue between 2011 and 2013.  

Ms Conn says that she was persuaded to take the next step and go ahead with her batmitzvah after her younger brother’s death in Israel in December.

“It was such a shock, because you don’t expect your younger sibling to die.” After that, I thought that I really have to take every opportunity to celebrate life, and I thought – I know, I am going to have a batmitzvah.”

Ms Conn’s brother, David, had volunteered for the previous ten years with Israeli charity Road to Recovery, which helps transport Palestinians requiring medical attention from border crossings with the Palestinian Authority to hospitals in Israel.

To honour her brother, Ms Conn said that she “thought it was highly appropriate to ask people to donate to Road to Recovery.”

“You don’t ask for presents at my age,” she said, “and I’ve just found out that it is well over £1,000 that we raised. It is win-win that this charity benefited.”

As the coronavirus pandemic spread, and Menorah shut down, friends asked Ms Conn if she was planning to postpone her batmitzvah.

 “I didn’t postpone it,” Ms Conn explained. “This would have been my parasha had I been batmitzvah at the correct time.”

Ms Conn has been taking extra precautions during the coronavirus pandemic and is being looked after by son Rafe, who has been producing a YouTube series about their experience of being in isolation together called ‘Not Killing Mum’.

“When you get to your eighties there are not going to many more excuses for a big party,” Ms Conn said, mentioning that she had planned a caterer – “the best in town” – “booze and nosh at the pub later in the evening.”

The party’s cancellation was a disappointment, but holding the ceremony over video-conferencing app Zoom “was more exciting and a lot cheaper – the kiddush didn’t cost me a penny in the end did it!

“It was so exciting to see people that I had not seen for ages, people from New York and Israel,” she said.

“You do miss not being able to give people a hug,” she said, “and it made me realise that there are still so many people that you love and that love you. I think that is probably the biggest blessing of all really.”

You can donate to Road to Recovery by visiting their website here, and watch Ms Conn's Bat Mitzvah and Rafe’s Youtube series here.