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How I embraced my identity as a mixed-race, British-Asian Jew

I grew up enchanted by an alluring wooden box. Re-opening this heirloom 15 years ago revealed the Jewish seam in my family’s exotic history

May 23, 2024 16:35
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Singapore romance: Esther (formerly Sim Koh-wei) and Jacob Elias
5 min read

As a child, I spent many hours beside a camphorwood chest. I traced my fingers over the pictures carved into the wood: two travellers in a Chinese sampan, passing a skyline of towering pagodas and thick foliage. I listened to my mother’s stories. This chest was the sole item of furniture she brought when she migrated from Singapore to England in 1961. It holds the photographs, letters, trinkets, marriage certificates and identity cards of her ancestors, who came from China and Iraq and sojourned in India. “Going through” the chest with my mother meant both unpacking these precious heirlooms, but also, via her stories, travelling to my forebears’ distant times and places.

“I’m a quarter Jewish, a quarter Chinese, a quarter Welsh, a quarter English,” I would chant to other children, if we got on to the subject of where you were from. But I was confused about my identity. I hadn’t figured out how these parts fitted together. The Iraqi and Indian connections never even got a mention. The exotic ancestors I heard about in my mother’s stories seemed to me as made-up and far-removed as the fairytale carvings.

Then, about 15 years ago, my mother got me called to the bimah in her synagogue. It felt as though she was throwing down the gauntlet, but also issuing me with a gift. Figure out what Judaism means to you. Explore your Jewish ancestry, even if – or maybe especially because – it is mixed.

Love across divides: Jay's grandparents Esther and Jacob Elias with their children. Jay's mother is on her father's lap[Missing Credit]

And so she and I returned to the camphorwood chest, now with me taking out its treasures. As I wrote what turned out to be not just a multi-generational saga but my own memoir of my return to my Asian-Jewish heritage, I absorbed the family’s past. That commission from my mother became a transmission of her incredible Asian-Jewish legacy to me. The process became more urgent as my beloved mother aged. These interwoven family and personal stories are the subject of my new book.