Ask a rabbi: Can my son sing in his school’s Christmas concert?

The Traitors has become a cultural phenomenon in the UK, consistently ranking among the top TV audiences of the year and outperforming other major entertainment shows. It has got everything: suspense, drama, people accusing each other of lying before they’ve even finished their cornflakes. But beneath the entertainment, it’s a show all about identity. Who is a Faithful? Who is a Traitor? Who is pretending to be something they’re not?

The stakes in school life may feel much lower but the Jewish approach to identity is just as dramatic.

In Judaism we refer to the Torah as Torat Emet – the Torah of truth and the Talmud teaches: “The seal of God is truth.” A seal represents integrity. It guards against confusion, against mixture, against being pressured, however innocently, into playing a part that is not ours.

Schools often assure parents that Christmas concerts are “mostly cultural” and for many that is genuinely the case – a celebration of light, peace and good will. But for us, Christmas is fundamentally a celebration of beliefs we do not share, centred around theological ideas that Judaism cannot affirm.

Children instinctively understand authenticity. They know when they are being asked to “pretend believe” and if we teach them that it’s acceptable to soften or sidestep our spiritual identity when the spotlight is on, that message lingers long after the concert lights go out.

Judaism teaches a beautiful principle: darchei shalom – the ways of peace, promoting harmony and coexistence. We engage warmly and respectfully with our neighbours. We teach our children to honour others, to show courtesy, and to live comfortably and confidently in a multicultural society. But darchei shalom does not mean dissolving who we are. That is why halachah makes a clear distinction between showing respect and participating in a religious act.

If the event is entirely secular – winter songs with no religious content – that is simply school life. But if it is clearly a Christmas concert, with carols affirming Christian belief, then participation becomes inappropriate. A Jewish child should not be placed in a role where they appear to celebrate another religion’s theology - even silently, as part of the performance.

Our children should be Faithfuls – not in Claudia’s castle, but in their own Jewishness. True to themselves. Proud of their heritage. Confident enough to stand kindly, respectfully yet firmly as Jews. As God’s seal is truth, so must ours be.
 

Alex Chapper is senior rabbi of Borehamwood and Elstree (United) Synagoogue

A Progressive view: Rabbi Romain

This immediately raises the issue of whether Jewish children are better off going to Jewish day schools where such an issue simply would not arise.

The downside would be that Jewish children would not be mixing with the rest of society and learning how to interact with peers from other faiths or no faith.

At some point, unless they were to live in a Jewish bubble for their adult life too, they would come across the wider world – be it at university, work or the gym –and it would be far healthier if they had done so earlier.

Conversely, non-Jews – who sat next to Jews in class or played with them in the school break – would have a much better understanding of Jews and many less stereotypes of Jewish life.

The same applies to Catholic, Muslim, Sikh and Hindu schools that are effectively segregating British children from each other.

It is noticeable that the big change in education in Northern Ireland is parents sending their children to Integrated Schools, which take in both Protestant and Catholic children.

Faith schools did not cause “the Troubles”, but they certainly helped perpetuate the religious divisions in society and maintained them across successive generations. Maybe those parents have something to teach us?

As for your son and his concert, there are several options: one is to withdraw him from the concert, explaining why to both him and the teacher; another is that he attends but is given a different role, such as a few words at the beginning welcoming everyone or announcing refreshments at the end.

Thirdly, ask if he can be excused from the obviously Christological songs but join in the more wintery seasonal ones.

A fourth option is to let him participate fully and tell him that although the songs are about Jesus, we do not believe in him, but others do and we are helping them celebrate their festival, just as we may invite non-Jews to see our Seder or succah.

Which one you opt for depends on your own level of comfort, but key is that he has a strong Jewish identity and a vibrant Jewish home life, knowing that he is Jewish and what that means. That is what signals to him who he is – not a school concert.

Hopefully he will also be enjoying Chanukah even more, with its songs, food and candles.

Jonathan Romain is convenor of the Reform Beit Din

Image: Festive voices: children taking part in a Christmas concert (photo: Getty)

If you have a question for our rabbis, please email it to srocker@thejc.com