Can my husband be buried in Arsenal colours?

There is a story told about the late billionaire Edward Reichman. He left two wills, directing that one be opened immediately after his death and the other 30days after his funeral.

In his first will, he requested to be buried wearing his favourite pair of socks. Although his children pleaded with the authorities, explaining that their father was a very pious and learned man, and he obviously had a very good reason to make this request, it was refused because it violated halachah (Jewish law).

Thirty days later, the second will was opened. It read something like this: “My dear children, by now you must have buried me without my socks. I wanted you to truly understand that a man can have billions of dollars, but in the end, he can’t even take along one pair of socks!”

The story highlights how halachah is rooted in the teachings of our sages: just as we enter this world empty-handed so too do we leave it. Therefore, everyone – billionaire and pauper alike – is treated equally in death. Regardless of personal preference, the same simple shrouds and plain coffin are used for everyone.

That principle is not merely about simplicity or modesty. It reflects a profound Jewish belief that, in death, all superficial distinctions disappear. Wealth, status, fashion, and even football loyalties fade away.

What remains is the soul, the life a person lived, and the values they held dear. For this reason, painting a coffin in Arsenal’s red and white colours would almost certainly not be allowed.

Jewish burial practices are deliberately understated and uniform. Even where decorative coffins may not technically violate halachah, burial societies generally maintain strict standards to preserve the dignity, equality, and solemnity of a Jewish funeral.

However, there is still room to reflect your husband’s individual personality whilst mourning. Mention his support of the Gunners in a eulogy, recount what he truly loved most in life and make a donation to charities and causes that mattered to him. You could even display an Arsenal scarf at the shivah house.

Supporting a football team is, in many ways, tribal. It is an allegiance which transcends success or failure and creates a sense of belonging among people who celebrate and commiserate together. In that sense, it is not entirely unlike being Jewish.

Judaism does not ask us to erase individuality. Rather, it reminds us that when life comes to an end, our greatest legacy is not the colours we wore, but the values we lived by.
 

Alex Chapper is senior rabbi of Borehamwood and Elstree (United) Synagogue

A Progressive view: Rabbi Romain

This reflects how the handling of death has been democratised. In the past, Jews were told by rabbis exactly how funerals should be conducted and that was that.

Now rules have been relaxed in countless ways. Whereas once it was only the minister who gave the eulogy, family and friends are allowed to speak.
At Orthodox funerals, women who were previously either silent or absent, not only attend but can have a voice in various ways.

At cremations – allowed in Progressive synagogues – the music which was sombre has become a matter of personal choice and a way of reflecting the deceased:

It might be the song to which they and their partner first danced and have never forgotten; or maybe the song’s lyrics say something about their approach to life (as in Frank Sinatra’s I Did It My Way”).

Coffins have changed: those preferring a green option go for wicker ones, while they can be in unusual shapes (such as a motorbike - but do remember to make the grave size large enough to fit it in).

Modern electronic devices can also play a role, with videos of the life of the person being shown or even, somewhat eerily, a goodbye message from them.

Whereas previously ashes were placed in a rose garden, now they can be sent up into the heavens in a mini rocket, kept in a neck pendant or crushed into a ring.

Many will see these developments as bizarre, but there are positive aspects too: few people wish to die and so by choosing how one ends one’s life, it can help the person feel they are exerting some control over that which is uncontrollable.

Similarly, the family may find comfort in knowing that, whether they themselves would emulate them or not, at least the loved one had their final wishes honoured.

What is critical in all this is that the family are told the person’s ideas in advance so that as well as coping with their grief they do not have to face the shock of a request that is unexpected or unwelcome.

Judaism rightly teaches we are all equal in death. But that does not rule out making funerals more individualistic, providing it is not done ostentatiously or as a reflection of a person’s wealth.

Personally I think simplicity is best, but if being an Arsenal fan defined your husband, why not?

Jonathan Romain is convenor of the Reform Beit Din

If you have a question to put to our rabbis, please email it to srocker@thejc.com