We need to address domestic abuse, say leading rabbis

Rabbi Jeremy Gordon of New London Synagogue and its deputy designated safeguarding lead has come across cases of domestic abuse and said he recognised the “great pain” it caused and that rabbis needed to be “braver” in openly addressing it.

“I’m well aware of the awful pains and pressures experienced by victims of domestic abuse and the circles of pain that stretch out from that.

“I think the issue is still taboo to even discuss for many. Victims too frequently feel tremendously ashamed – when they are not at fault – and perpetrators too frequently feel they deserve to be forgiven or accepted, even if they show no genuine accountability or remorse for their actions.”

Rabbi Elchonon Feldman, senior rabbi of Bushey United Synagogue, said: “Over the years, the community has started openly talking about domestic abuse. But it's not easy to talk about and does happen behind closed doors.

“We know that when we openly talk about domestic abuse, victims come forward. Openly talking about it helps victims realise: ‘I am actually experiencing this abuse’. We've encountered domestic abuse cases across all ages – from young women in their late teens to someone who outwardly seems to have been 'happily married' for decades.”

The rabbi added that there was “really no excuse for a rabbi not to be proactive” when they know domestic abuse is going on and that US rabbinic couples undergo regular training to help them spot signs of domestic abuse and know how to support those in an abusive relationship. “The goal is to ensure we're not protecting perpetrators or discrediting victims, which would be deeply wrong,” he said.

Rabbi Elchonon Feldman of Bushey United Synagogue[Missing Credit]

 

Last year, around 60 synagogues took part in JWA Shabbat, from London to Leeds and Manchester. More than 20 visiting speakers addressed congregations, with a further 12 trained JWA volunteer speakers sharing the organisation’s message within their own communities.

Rabbi Miriam Berger, Rabbi Emerita of Finchley Reform Synagogue and founder of the Wellspring UK mikveh, said: “We need to take our responsibility seriously to speak out about all that we know goes on behind closed doors. Only then will victims of domestic abuse know that they are not alone and that their community is a place where they will be protected, supported and directed to the professionals who can really help.

“For many, being on the receiving end of such a revelation – that a friend, family member or congregant is a victim of domestic abuse – can be frightening, but the Jewish community is hugely fortunate to have an efficient, well-resourced and experienced organisation to turn to who will not judge, insist or have an agenda.”

Rabbi Emerita of Finchley Reform Synagogue, Miriam Berger[Missing Credit]

Rabbi Berger said that by being open about the “challenges we all face in our lives” and by speaking openly about them, “we enable someone else to seek the help they need, to step out from the shadows”.

Jewish Women’s Aid (JWA) is the UK Jewish community’s only organisation supporting women and children affected by domestic abuse and sexual violence.

Across the UK, one in three women experience domestic abuse, one in five face sexual assault, and domestic violence accounts for 18 per cent of all violent crime. Jewish women are equally affected.

Research has found that Jewish women stay in abusive relationships significantly longer than non-Jewish women – often between ten and 17 years, compared to three to eight years.

JWA CEO Sam Clifford at a JWA stall (Photo: JWA)[Missing Credit]

Sam Clifford, CEO of Jewish Women’s Aid, says: “More women and children are turning to JWA for help than ever before, and that is something none of us can afford to ignore. JWA Shabbat is an important moment in our calendar to shine a spotlight on abuse. When rabbis speak from the bimah and volunteers stand at stalls in full view of their communities, it sends a powerful message that abuse will not be hidden or ignored. Visible leadership and open conversation are how we show that every woman has a place where she will be heard, believed and supported.”

For support, please contact: Jewish Women’s Aid Helpline: 0808 801 0500. Email:

advice@jwa.org.uk. Website: www.jwa.org.uk or click here