Carers like me also need someone to care for them

Unfortunately, Stanley’s dementia was getting worse, and my son suggested we talk. I was in denial and reassured him everything was fine, until exhaustion took its toll. We began exploring care homes and chose Jewish Care’s Kun Mor and George Kiss, as the environment was the most suitable.

Preparations consisted of a flurry of form filling, labelling of clothes, and selecting familiar items for his room. On his first day, it was hard to explain to him where he was, and he kept repeating he wanted to go home. The carers were compassionate and patient, managing to support him with tasks, such as showering, which was difficult, due to his aversion to water.

It took time for my husband to settle in, as was expected. But within six weeks, he seemed calmer and looked better, thanks to the staff, who were very experienced.

Stanley was a jazz drummer in his younger days, so we encourage him to engage in music and singalong groups, and relatives and friends can join for meals, which is lovely.

Of course, I have mixed feelings as Stanley is no longer at home with me, but he is only 15 minutes away, so I can visit him any time. Given his condition, this compromise seems to be the best arrangement for both of us in our remaining years.

When I felt alone and helpless, it was such a relief to know that the family carers team was there and able to share their perspective and objective opinions. They would advocate for me, especially when Stanley was in hospital. This helped bring me back to normality and reconnect me to the outside world.

On difficult days, as a distraction, I would put on upbeat music and dance around the kitchen or bake a cake – anything to relax!

At the team’s suggestion, I began attending the monthly carers tea, where we would share experiences and problems, which proved incredibly helpful.

The move to the care home was necessary, and although life was easier as I was less stressed and no longer had disturbed sleep, the separation was hard at the beginning and left me with lingering anxiety. But the family carers team still kept in touch, and, even now, we have a monthly meeting, which is much appreciated.

I can only reiterate my profound thanks for the genuine concern, continued support and kindness shown by the dedicated staff during those challenging times.

I would say to others in my situation to remember that Jewish Care’s family carers team is there for you. They really helped me.

​To contact Jewish Care, call: 020 8922 2222 or email: helpline@jcare.org