‘People with disabilities can teach us so much’

Rabbi Samuels’ wife, Malki, overjoyed at her son’s progress, told her husband it was “payback time”, that she had made a promise to God that if Yossi was able to communicate, she would find a way to support other children with disabilities.

With the help of a professional working in the disability field, the couple established Shalva (meaning “serenity”) as an after-school club for six profoundly disabled children in a small apartment.

Rabbi Kalman Samuels and his son Yossi[Missing Credit]

Thirty-five years later, Shalva has grown into a national centre in Jerusalem, which has to date supported 2,000 people with its programmes from birth to adulthood.

Speaking at the annual Shalva UK dinner on Monday night in north-west London, Rabbi Samuels’ message was that it was time society reframed disability – not to just ask ourselves how we can support people with disabilities, but to “see beyond disabilities, and appreciate some of the many lessons that people with disabilities can teach us”.

Included in these lessons were vulnerability, - “the ability to be imperfect and remove our societal masks and be comfortably authentic” - and “positive stubbornness”, said Rabbi Samuels, explaining: “People with disabilities usually know what they want and will go to great lengths to get what they desire…They teach us the importance of following through with our goals and believing in them.”

He added that people with disabilities also teach mainstream society to be “fully engaged in the present moment” rather than experience constant distraction, as well as educating others on how to “fully experience emotions – allowing space for uncomfortable emotions without escaping them or fearing them. They are experts at this and can teach us so much.”

But, said the rabbi, the most important lesson people with disabilities could teach us was seeing beyond someone’s exterior, “because for those with disabilities, looks, facades, persona or social status simply don't matter”.

This meant that for many young volunteers, the experience of working with disabled people was “so healing” as they were able to “relax and be more vulnerable and authentic”.

Rabbi Kalman Samuels at the Shalva UK dinner (Photo: Andy Barker)[Missing Credit]

The rabbi said that while they had run into practical and technical problems while running Shalva, “the more significant challenges” were those which were embedded in society – “with their inappropriate attitudes, behaviours and values, and we realised that we needed to challenge and change the very values of society itself”.

He told the audience that interacting with people with disabilities was “an amazing experience for all of us and so rather than only thinking that they need us, perhaps we should examine our own attitudes and realize that we can receive so many life gifts by interacting with them”.

Rabbi Samuels paid tribute to the supporters of Shalva UK for their “angelic love and partnership” in helping to raise money to build an independent living apartment for a group of Shalva members who are over 21.

UK-born Naomi Geffen, whose daughter, Tehilla, 25, lives in one of Shalva’s apartments in Jerusalem, said that the move there had been transformative.

“It has given my daughter dignity, independence, and true friendship… That great worry of every parent –  what will happen when I am gone? –  is still a burden, but one that I do not carry alone. Shalva has made sure of that.”

Guests were given an after-dinner speech from Brigadier General (Ret.) Dr. Oren Setter, who played a key role in the hostage negotiations.

Lewis Bloch, CEO of Shalva UK, said afterwards: “We had 200 people at the dinner compared to last year's 160 with 60 being totally new to Shalva. A wonderful achievement. Their extreme generosity will make it possible to expand our Independent Living facilities thus allowing additional adults with disabilities to live their best lives.”