‘I realised very quickly that my husband was the one’

“It came from a bittersweet situation,” says Denise Phillips, reflecting on the path to creating her unique Date on a Plate initiative (DOAP), where singles gather for a romantic cooking class in the hope of meeting a partner.

Denise was already a successful chef, about to publish her first cookbook, when her husband tragically passed away. “Imagine you’re 35 years old… and your husband dies right next to you,” says Denise, remembering how she “honestly thought life had ended”.

Her love of cooking persisted nonetheless throughout, and several years later, a friend suggested combining her cooking classes with singles events. Denise, still single herself at this point, ran with it. “The children would have supper at six, and then I was doing my classes by 7.30.”

Denise Phillips[Missing Credit]

“Whatever your circumstances are, you need to cook... and the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach,” says Denise, who proved this point when she met her second husband, Jeremy, at one of her own events. They are celebrating their 22nd wedding anniversary this year. “No business continues for 25 years if it doesn’t work,” she laughs.

Denise runs events for those aged between 25 and 75, with each gathering including people within a ten-year age range. “Love develops and changes…and each age group is looking for something different,” reflects Denise. “The younger people are looking for a long-term partner and a family”, while the older groups sometimes “just want a companion to go with them to the shops, to the cinema, wherever”.

The evening begins with canapés and champagne, when the participants, typically six men and six women, introduce themselves. The cooking class lasts for an hour, before everyone moves to the dining room to enjoy the three-course meal they have just made. The men rotate seats after each course, “so that you get a decent conversation with everyone”, with Denise pointing to the intimacy of the evening as a key part of its success.

Date on a Plate's Denise Phillips (Photo: Denise Phillips)[Missing Credit]

“What you want is an enjoyable evening with no pressure and no agenda,” says Denise, emphasising throughout the conversation the importance of feeling comfortable and safe during a singles event like DOAP. “Nobody knows you’re there... Your private life stays private.”

Scott Grant, an accountant from London, met his wife Lucy at DOAP in 2019, after trying dating apps for a few months with little success in finding a true bond. “We…instantly connected,” says Scott, as he and Lucy discovered their similar interests throughout the night, including the coincidence that they had both recently returned from trips to Japan.

Scott affectionately reflects that “it was the start of a very happy relationship”, and that he was unlikely to have met Lucy otherwise as they mixed in different social circles in different parts of London. “I am forever grateful for that special night seven and a half years ago, where I met the love of my life,” Scott says, with the pair marrying in October 2022 and since welcoming two children, affectionately dubbed “Date on a Plate babies” by Denise.

The Grant family. Scott and Lucy met through Date on a Plate (Photo: courtesy)[Missing Credit]

The Covid pandemic proved no barrier to Denise’s determination to matchmake. She set up online speed-dating sessions, which still continue today alongside the in-person cooking classes.

Online, the participants are split up into twos and put into breakout rooms, where they have six minutes to discuss a prompt given by Denise. This allows them to meet six men or women “from the comfort of your own home”, she says.

“You need to spread your wings a bit further to meet someone different,” she adds, with the online sessions removing the geographical boundaries, which can make meeting people from other areas challenging.

Max, a lawyer from London, met his partner, Emma *, who is based in Manchester, at an online speed-dating session. “I never particularly loved the dating apps,” he said, first hearing about DOAP in January 2019. He attended a few in-person sessions before Covid hit, and Denise’s services moved online.

When he was put with Emma in a breakout room, there was an immediate connection. The prompt, Max recalled, was their favourite foods, and when Emma stated that hers was a “chicken dinner”, there was laughter from both sides as Max understood she was specifically talking about Friday night dinner. He messaged Emma later that night and then visited her in Manchester a few weeks later.

“‘If someone is hoping to find a real long-term connection, it is very possible [through DOAP], even if not this time, the next time,” said Max, who has now been dating Emma for seven months.

Lauren Shenker, from London, where she is the deputy manager of a nursery, similarly found that geography proved no barrier in Denise’s online sessions, meeting her husband Laurence, who lived in the Midlands, from her home in Borehamwood. “I had tried so many ways of meeting people in the past,” says Lauren, who chose to sign up to DOAP to try something a bit different.

Laurence and Lauren Shenker (Photo: courtesy)[Missing Credit]

“It was meant to be,” Lauren fondly recalls, as she and Laurence got 12 minutes together instead of the allotted six minutes because of technical issues with another couple. She remembers “realising very quickly afterwards that my husband was the one”, and the couple welcomed “a beautiful baby girl” four months ago.

Lauren not only met her husband through DOAP, but also “a very special group of girls”, who got together after the event and have remained “the best of friends ever since. Our group chat is even called #DOAP.”

Lauren and Laurence Shenker with their daughter (Photo: courtesy)[Missing Credit]

“After every single event, there are connections,” Denise says proudly, whether that’s with a partner, a new friend, or even a new hobby, such as cooking. As Max reflected: “It's never a night regretted.”

“What I'm offering is an opportunity to make great friends,” offers Denise, whether that’s a platonic friend or a life partner. But she firmly believes “your new best friend will be your partner”.

“‘I don’t do it for the money… It's about what you can do to give back,” says Denise, laughing that she is “definitely going to heaven”. (In Jewish folklore, if you match three couples who get married, you will go to heaven.)

She finishes with a piece of wisdom from her rabbi at Northwood and Ruislip United Synagogue, that “love is about giving”, which cooking is emblematic of – the gift of time, care and generosity, served one plate at a time.

*not her real name

For more information, go to jewishcookery.com/classes/date-on-a-plate/ or click here

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‘I realised very quickly that my husband was the one’

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