1 min read
There are lots of lists doing the rounds on the internet claiming to know what it means to be a Jewish girl. Well, here's another one...
1. Yes, we live near Brent Cross. But there are now two Westfields, and they have Primark and Forever 21. AND MORE PARKING.
2. Maybe you like mixing with your clan, but the fundamental point of being Jewish is self-loathing. So why would I celebrate Passover in Eilat when I could go on an Easter egg hunt in South London?
3. We get it, we like to eat. But then, that’s not cultural, is it? It’s just a way of like, you know, keeping alive.
4. Jewish princesses are apparently obsessed with hair, nails and shopping. Like the Kardashian sisters! Wait, aren’t they Armenian?
5. You say you have to use JSwipe to meet your significant other. But then, how are we going to meet our Italian stallion in a Clapham nightclub? (Yes, some of us do go to Clapham. We even live there.)
6. Apparently, we always socialise in Carmellis. Funny, last time I passed the door (I didn’t go inside), it was full of grandmothers and tots. Besides, everybody knows you get your 24-hour bagel in Brick Lane.
7. They say you only mix with people from your tour group. Sorry, WTF is RSY or FZY?
8. I don’t know why everyone complains about lack of food choices during the holidays. What do you mean the gluten-free section at Sainsburys isn’t kosher for Passover?
9. Your parents are desperate to see you wed, eh? Funny that, my divorced dad says marrying young was a big mistake that I daren’t copy.
10. Ever heard the expression: two Jews, three opinions? Maths was never my strong point, but I think we ever-so-slightly outnumber you and your lists.
By Rosa Doherty and Charlotte Oliver. Two different Jewish girls.