1 min read
I've heard of picking up dates through facebook. But now, eligible London bachelor Marcus Freed - of Bibliyoga fame - is using the social networking site to launch an official search for a wife.
According to his page,
Marcus is inviting applications for the role of WIFE! Please send serious suggestions to Future.Mrs.Freed@gmail.com . For real! Successful candidate should expect a life of joy, blessing, adventure, romance, multiple progeny and free yoga. GSOH a huge advantage – you’ll need it.
Future Mrs Freed should be...
1. Prepared for adventure, excitement and happy to be the subject/object of absolute devotion.
2. Tolerant of the neurotic artist-type.
3. Shomeret Shabbat/Kashrut (Sabbath Observant)…if not already. This one’s important.
….abilty to dance in rhythm an advantage. Prior salsa training not essential.
MJF user manual:
- requires small doses of undivided attention on a regular basis. If given too much attention, it results in boisterous and potentially obnoxious behaviour.
- doesn't respond well to being given excessive rules and directions.
- gets grouchy when tired. When this happens, point him in the direction of a couch and a bowl of cereal (granola with flax seed).
Here's what you (the successful candidate) will receive
- a lifetime of joy, blessing, happiness, fun
- beautiful children with unpredictable talents
- support from the extended Freed family (who got all of the normal genes)
About your potential future mother-in-law:
- witty, motivated, clever, and loves doting after grandchildren and babysitting them.
About your potential future father-in-law:
- lovely, sweet, listens to your p.m-i-l (who has final say). Talented musician and amazing handyman who fixes all the broken stuff around the house and can make anything on a sewing machine.
About your potential future sister-in-law:
Born a couple of years after MJF, the parents had refined the child-rearing process so she’s a little more sophisticated and emotionally calibrated. She knows the weak-points of MJF so can help with advice on how to tame him if needed.
HOW TO MAKE THE DREAM A REALITY.
Still reading? Ok. Do a quick websearch on MJF. See if that puts you off.
Still reading? really? Ok. Please answer in 50 words or less; why are you still interested? (This is an elimination process. There can only be one Future Mrs Freed). Now email it to Future.Mrs.Freed@gmail.com .
Thank you. Our people will contact your people.
First date will be on Twitter.
Good luck, Marcus!