Idea #16 - Learn to talk to each other about difficult subjects

1) It is difficult for people to deeply discuss differing views of socially challenging issues in public (eg, religious pluralism or the complex relationship with Israel)

2) Many want to discuss them, but don’t know how

3) Many prefer to disengage rather than face the vocal disapproval of those who denigrate divergent or critical views.

I believe that for a community to develop, its leaders and its members must challenge themselves – from the grass-roots ‘upward’ and from the community leadership ‘downward’.   People need to begin to talk with one another about difficult subjects, and become more comfortable discussing them in an open, respectful way.

For Individuals: Invite friends over for a discussion about a current difficult, controversial or challenging issue.  Choose the topic and assign each friend a different newspaper from which to read one or more articles about that topic.  At the discussion, each friend should present his/her paper’s perspective on the issue.  In most cases, the same event or issue is presented in different ways, with different types of information and conclusions.   This helps get the discussion going, with people soon presenting their own varied opinions.  Do this a few times on different issues and keep it going.

The results should be a deeper understanding and sharper skills at critically analysing what one reads, how one discusses issues and subsequently reaches an informed opinion.

In NIF and NIF-grantee ACRI (Association for Civil Rights in Israel) citizenship education programmes, we use the newspaper technique with teenagers to teach them how to responsibly analyse what they read and form independent opinions while understanding the power as well as potential benefits and dangers of media.   NIF’s Conflict Transformation and Management Centre uses a similar method of role-playing discussions of actual community controversies, where adults have to argue various sides of the conflict in order to delve into the issues from all perspectives.  It has helped many groups reach compromise, if not resolution.

For Leaders: Rabbis, communal organisations’ leadership, and educators of young people should help build the skills for critical thinking and respect for diverse opinions while modelling these skills themselves.

In New Israel Fund’s work in Israel we empower Israelis from all parts of society to acquire the skills to advocate for themselves to achieve change, and we work with policy-makers and leadership to analyse and understand the impact of their decisions on the most disadvantaged. 

These methods have helped transform Israeli society in many ways.  One example is the summary of testimonies from Israel’s northern residents, collected in public hearings held by NIF after the Second Lebanon War.  The NIF report to the government was a main source of the recommendations implemented to improve the Home Front Command’s service provision to civilians during war, including during the Gaza conflict.

We repeatedly observe situations where it is in the power of the individual – whether a ‘regular’ citizen or a community leader – to bring about change at the level of society.  We have hundreds and thousands of success stories about how individuals and leaders have changed an aspect of their schools (parents being more accepting of immigrant children in their children’s schools), their neighbourhoods (citizens getting the bus company to satisfactorily reroute buses running along the streets of adjacent neighbourhoods), their communities (getting their local government to include Arabic on local signage in a mixed community), and their government’s policies (improving the welfare-to-work programme after meeting with activists and beneficiaries).

The keys for people to make change are to listen – not just hear; think from your own and the other’s perspective; discuss, passionately but with ground rules; think some more; form an opinion that is your own. 

The community will be enriched by it, its conflicts can be transformed and it will more fully respect the diversity of its members.

Ellen Goldberg is Executive Director of the New Israel Fund in the UK

Check out our previous ideas: 15 - Merge some of our charities and community services 14 - Hold joint events for JSocs and Islamic societies every term 13 - Create a virtual community 12 - Turn Anglo-Jewry into a learning community 11 - Turn Shabbat into the Greenest day of the week 10 - Focus on people, not institutions 9 - Create an online platform for Jewish students, 8 - Appoint anti-antisemitism champions, 7 - Share our synagogues and community centres with other religions,  6 - Establish a Succah in Trafalgar Square, 5 - Create a 'community service' programme for young Jews, 4 - Recruit older people to volunteer for the community,3 - Establish a fund for the Jewish arts, 2 - Pay membership fees to your community, not your shul, 1 - Make 2010/11 the year of synagogue renewal