The JC can reveal the shocking truth behind the Gaza Convoy. The real story of the terrorist boat can now be told.
Impartial
The JC has a proud tradition of impartiality and honest reporting. We can now reveal – via the information and censor dept of the IDF – exactly what happened on the terror boat.
Last week, brave soldiers of the IDF were sailing in the Mediterranean minding their own business. As it was getting dark the soldiers decided to wrap up warm. This entailed full uniform, face masks and helmets. As the IDF gunboats approached, by chance, the terror convoy the soldiers were issued with paint ball guns. No weapons were on the IDF boats.
Due to the dark atmosphere – it was now the dead of night – the IDF commanders ordered helicopters to fly over the terror convoy and for loud hailers to announce the IDF’s desire to chat with the terror convoy’s leaders.
Search lights were pointed in the direction of the ship to ensure that none of the terrorists slipped in the dark.
Frenzied
At this point crazed Muslims jumped from the ship and grabbed at one of the helicopters – nicknamed Hector. Pandemonium ensued as the terrorists pulled the soldiers from the helicopter and onto the deck of the ship.
Paint Ball
The terrorists grabbed the soldier’s paint ball guns.
Horror
Then, to the shock of the IDF, the terrorists produced a large cache of real guns and started to fire indiscriminately. Due to the dark and murky conditions – and because they were useless Turks – the terrorists managed to kill nine of their own. The IDF immediately offered first aid assistance. A rescue group that had so distinguished itself in the Haiti earthquake happened to be in the vicinity to offer help. (see the two page picture spread pages 10 – 11 ‘ our brave first aid rescue team’)
Al-Qaeda
IDF footage clearly shows that Al- Qaeda operatives were on board in large numbers and were singing ‘go back to Auschwitz’ with gusto whilst firing from the hip.
The IDF later admitted to doctoring this footage and that there were actually no Al Qaeda on board nor any references to Auschwitz. It was a genuine mistake, said an IDF spokesperson. ‘Finger trouble’ with an editor. A full impartial enquiry into the editor’s workmanship will soon be carried out’, continued the spokesperson.
Confiscation
Asked why the passengers had all their money confiscated along with their phones, computers and other personal belonging, Moshe Fagin of the IDF said ‘we regret that in order to root out the many terrorists hiding behind so called ‘peace activists’ we had to check people’s mobile phones. This way we can ascertain if any of them had Bin Laden’s number’
Complaints
Complaints of their treatment by ‘celebrity’ passengers such as the Swedish author Menkell (who’s he?) are terrorist plots and clear signs that Hamas has infiltrated Sweden.
Sarah Colborne is a liar. Full stop.
Support
In Tel Aviv several thousand Israelis gathered outside the Turkish embassy where chants of ‘death to arabs’ could clearly and repeatedly be heard.
The JC can report that this was group satire and as such should be taken for the humour it was meant to be.
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