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79? 75? My real age is a prime number which isn’t waiting to be divided

From VE Day to a poetry reading, this week brought home to me that age is what you make of it

May 14, 2025 21:00
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BIRMINGHAM, ENGLAND - MARCH 07: Maureen Lipman attends the Pride Of Birmingham Awards 2022 at University of Birmingham on March 07, 2022 in Birmingham, England. (Photo by Anthony Devlin/Getty Images)
4 min read

By the time you read this I will be 79, but according to last week’s JC I am 75, which is amusing because for years, whatever my age, I have started my speeches by saying: “I am a 59-year-old actress – that’s 69 if you read the Guardian and 39 if you read the Jewish Chronicle.” It always got a laugh, but last week life reflected art and you lot really did knock four years off my life.

I mean, thanks for the nepo big-up but I never had a problem with age, and now that I can still peel my own satsuma whilst whistling “Yes we have no bananas”, I have become one of those biddies who proudly extoll their age at the slightest drop of a freedom pass.

“I’m 79!” I shout, waiting for the check-out girl/masseuse/ casting director to gasp in disbelief and coo, “Never! I don’t believe it! I’d have had you in your early sixties, tops. Here, Rene – come and look at this lady. How old would you think she was, eh?”

In Israel they give a card which entitles you to no queuing over the age of 80, in banks, in supermarkets, at airports. How about adopting that in the UK, Keir? Yeah - and throw the ruddy winter fuel allowance back in while you’re at it.