The Jewish Bereavement Counselling Service (JBCS) is reporting a doubling of referrals since the beginning of lockdown in March as community members have had to cope in isolation with the death of loved ones.
In response, it is establishing a new support group aimed at helping those bereaved during the pandemic.
JBCS manager Trisha Curtis told the JC this week that the group would cover anyone impacted by a death, whether from Covid or other causes, given the “complexities” caused by the pandemic to those grieving.
“In the past, people wouldn’t have been isolated. There would have been a crowd at the funeral; they would have been able to sit shivah with family and friends,” Ms Curtis said. “People aren’t allowed to visit [relatives] in hospitals or care homes.”
One parent turned to JBCS after a family celebration turned to tragedy.
Their daughter’s batmitzvah had taken place before lockdown and “no one was socially distancing or aware of the danger” of coronavirus.
The following day, their parents became unwell. A week later, their father died from the virus. Their mother later died after spending several weeks in a coma on a ventilator.
The bereaved person said: “What should have been a most wonderful celebration with great memories has turned into a nightmare that my family and I will never forget.”
Another new service user was planning her wedding for next year with the help of her mother. They had been in a bridal shop just a week before her mother was taken to hospital with breathing difficulties and a high temperature. That was the last time she saw her alive.
She described the experiences of a small funeral and Zoom shivah as “surreal. I wake up throughout the night thinking: ‘Did this really happen?’”
Another JBCS client recounted a sudden loss due to Covid-19. Her 67-year-old husband had been unwell for about a week in June. One night, he felt restless and went to sleep in the spare room. She called 111 but was told not to worry.
The next morning, she went into the spare room with a cup of tea to find her husband no longer breathing. “It feels unreal and I have no closure as only a few of us could attend the funeral and we didn’t have a shivah,” she said. As she has been shielding, she has not been able to see her family and “desperately” wants to talk to others with similar experiences.
The support group will start next month on Zoom and will be facilitated by two JBCS counsellors to ensure “everybody gets a space to talk”. More groups will be set up if demand dictates.
Ms Curtis stressed the new group would benefit the bereaved as “they’re hearing each other’s stories, they’re hearing how people feel about what’s happened. Sometimes it can normalise and help to make sense of a traumatic, shocking experience.”
