A week of wellness in Santa Monica

For the last couple of years, I have found myself increasingly attracted to LA-style “wellness” culture courtesy of an algorithm that had sussed me out in the nick of time, just as I was reaching for the “close account” button on Instagram. I am 43 – I love food, luxury scented candles and Aesop bath oil, and though I consider myself a staunch fan of Western medicine with a low susceptibility to woo-woo nonsense, I am only human. Whether the anti-stress “adaptogens” I now put in my morning coffee (reishi and ashwagandha, since you ask) do anything, I don’t know. Ditto the collagen powder, and the matcha, rose, and butterfly pea powder oat milk drinks I sometimes try as a pick-me-up in the afternoon.

But the allure, whether you buy it or not, is real. Real enough, in fact, to send me on a week-long trip to Los Angeles, where I dove headfirst into the wellness scene to sample and observe all its tantalising offerings. I came away with the decided sense that this cradle of health is part Pandora’s box of sensual entertainment – and part relentless treadmill. Even enabled by modern lasers and machines, the attempt to beat the ravages of body and time (known as “biohacking”) requires sustained and constant effort.

But I didn’t feel as though everyone looked perfect or cared whether I did. Instead, the vibe is more optimistic, more pick ‘n’ mix. More, frankly, American liberal consumerist. Do what you feel like, try this, try that, throw it all at the wall and see what sticks. In fact, when I snuck into Bagel Nosh deli on Wilshire Boulevard to carb-load after a bracing hour of sauna and cold plunge at SweatHouz – where for about $100 per hour you get a WiFi-enabled room for invigorating cold and hot treatment – I saw plenty of other normal looking women my age.

Recovery Suite's Ammortal Chamber. (Photo: Yoshihiro Makino, Courtesy of Santa Monica Travel & Tourism)[Missing Credit]

At the Recovery Suite in the madly boho-chic Santa Monica Proper Hotel, my base for the first few days, there was another helping of “contrast therapy” – outdoor sauna cabin and a cold plunge, which was a bit like a sarcophagus.

The Proper Hotel is, in fact, something of a Mecca for Los Angeles biohackery, which might be why the whole place had been taken over by an NBA (basketball) team the week before I stayed. The Recovery Suite, certainly, is a Santa Monica destination: it is luxurious and multi-faceted. Before you think about the sauna and cold plunge, there is the Ammortal Chamber to reckon with, a clear plastic double-layered lounger resembling a reclined dentist chair, studded with hundreds of infrared lights.

I situated myself on this contraption for 25 minutes while an AI voice talked me through a mindfulness routine. The “red and near infra-red” light is said to “improve micro-circulation, aid in cellular restoration, and reduce pain and fatigue.” I was so jetlagged when I got on the Ammortal that I fear nothing would have cut through, but it was jolly relaxing nonetheless.

The Proper Hotel also has the Surya spa, which I was surprised to discover is a hardcore Ayurveda centre, presided over by Ayurvedist to the stars, Colombia-born Martha Soffer, whose office is lined floor-to-ceiling with jars of tinctures and herbs.

Surya Spa. (Photo: Surya Spa)[Missing Credit]

She is famous in part for her ability to read pulses, a skill she learned in lengthy study in India, and as she felt mine, I could see she wasn’t impressed. It was sluggish. She detected hormonal imbalance, and after an hour of consultation, she got to work on a “four-handed” Ayurvedic oil massage, her acolyte providing the other two hands. It was a slow, hot, oil-slicked experience, and as it drew to a close I felt a jolt of energy and nearly skipped out of the room. Soffer’s ministrations, she said, were responsible for Kourtney Kardashian’s post-infertility baby and other movie stars swear by her holistic combinations of austere diet, massage and pulse-reading (I had a quick Ayurvedic lunch in Surya with the staff: Japanese potato, daal, rice, ghee and cooked chard).

You feel the proximity of the Pacific here. It blows through the streets of Santa Monica. SoCal’s Yoga on the beach, where I had a session from a sun-and-sand-wizened instructor called Chris, reminded my tired north London body of the magic of sand, sun, sea and stretching.

Yoga in Santa Monica. (Photo Credit: Santa Monica Travel & Tourism)[Missing Credit]

No pain, no gain, and so I made sure to grab a sweaty workout at Pvolve, which is not just fitness but “functional” fitness. I loved the tic-tac-toe mats each person had, with banded leaps between squares that were niftily numbered, and I found myself, for the millionth time, wondering why we can’t have that bouncy ease with fitness here in Blighty.

Next I went to a session at StretchLab where a “stretchologist” commandeered my arms and legs, ironing out asymmetries and kinks while I lay on a raised slab. I was the only woman in a room of ageing, paunchy men for whom this was clearly bliss.

Of course, some people will see lounging by the pool as the best way to biohack in Santa Monica. One of the most dazzling features of the Santa Monica Proper Hotel is a rooftop pool – one of just two rooftop pools in all of Santa Monica – which I had neither time nor weather to enjoy. But it is a beautiful sight, surrounded by cactuses and other desert foliage, lush sofas and little cul de sacs for lounging in semi-private sunshine.

Lounging by the pool, or having cocktails by the beach, is also something you might choose to do if you stayed, as I did for my final few days, at the newish Regent Santa Monica, a vast hotel with a big Guerlain spa right on the beach. Rooms are bright, modernist and nautical with sliding door-windows looking right out at sand and sea. It was a wrench to leave my room, and would have been impossible to extricate myself from the stately, centrepiece pool in the middle of the terrace (again, wintry weather during my visit took care of that particular quandary).

Regent Santa Monica Beach Hotel, Ocean View King Bed (Photo Credit: Tanveer Badal)Tanveer Badal Photography / TANV

For Jewish visitors, there are some good options to nourish the soul in between the treatments. You could try Shul on the Beach, which is as magical as it sounds. “Our Orthodox Union network synagogue aims to provide the highest quality Torah learning and social opportunities in a welcoming environment,” its website says.
Modern Bread and Bagel is kosher certified and has lovely salads and New York bagels with posh mixtures of the likes of pickled onions and smoked whitefish. If you aren’t kosher and you feel like a taste of grandma’s Shabbat table but with the ultimate Santa Monica twist, stop at Alfalfa for a large to-go cup of chicken bone broth: delicious. This made me feel better and cleaner even than the famous Hailey Bieber collagen facial smoothie at Erewhon – which, by the way, is also certified kosher.

After the events of recent years, us Jews need to take whatever relaxation and mind-and-body-boosting we can. Even in the midst of a country roiling with its own strife, there's no better place to forget your troubles than the spas, saunas, workout studios, beaches and, of course, the mad smoothies of Santa Monica.

Zoe Strimpel was a guest of Santa Monica Travel & Tourism.

Santa Monica Proper, £400 per night
Regent Santa Monica Beach, from £800 per night.

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