“What button is that sir?” (The butler) "I checked your shirt as always before you woke Mr President and there are no buttons missing and I personally counted your fly buttons … still the usual two Mr President."
“The goddamn nuclear button button! That little round red thing with ‘NUKE ‘EM!’ written on it in capitals! I wrote it myself in big letters in black marker pen as soon as I first got here. It’s always here!”
“It was here yesterday, Mr President.”
“Well find it, I’ve only got seven days left to nuke Iran! If I really can’t be president does that mean I can’t use Air Force One? Or that really cool helicopter?”
“I can’t answer to that Mr President, I just do breakfasts.”
“THIS WAS A FAKE FRAUD election! They stole it! They STOLE IT! Everyone knows that I'm going to go out with a BANG! Haha! A VERY big bang! Haha! Tell me, do you you think I can do North Korea at the same time too? You know nuke the two of them with the one button? A two for one offer!”
“I really don’t know Mr President, I am just the breakfast butler.”
“Where the hell is that button?”
“Maybe it dropped behind the back of the sofa in the Oval Office, Mr President. I’ll go and take a look. We had a new cleaner yesterday Mr President, maybe he put it somewhere.”
“Well find it! I want it and I want it NOW! I’m still the President you know!”
‘By the way Mr President, just one thing Mr President. The First Lady, she resigned yesterday just after the Director of Homeland Security. She asked me to tell you. She’s on a plane to Paris.”
4.15am
I wake up and go to the bathroom.
