Heads of the UK’s only charity supporting Jewish women and girls affected by domestic abuse and sexual violence have expressed concern that women in abusive relationships may be more vulnerable during the High Holy Days.
Jewish Women’s Aid (JWA) has said that extended periods spent at home meant women “having less space or opportunity to get away from the person who is controlling them”.
This Rosh Hashanah, the charity is launching its Home Should Feel Safe campaign, spotlighting coercive control, which affects 88 per cent of its clients.
Coercive control can be characterised by gaslighting, being discouraged from seeing family and friends, expecting to know where someone is at all times, frequently checking a partner’s phone and having financial control over their lives.
Karen Lewis, JWA’s director of client services, said: “Coercive control is really about someone gradually taking away another person's freedom and independence…It isn't one big incident of abuse; it's a pattern of behaviour that builds up over time.
“It can also include threats, intimidation, humiliation or making you feel that you're constantly walking on eggshells.”
Lewis said that gradually, a woman may find herself changing her actions or behaviour to avoid her partner's negative reaction. “She may stop seeing certain people, avoid doing things she enjoys or constantly think about how to keep the peace.”
She noted that the High Holy Days, when families spent more time at home, could make women feel particularly vulnerable.
“There can…often [be] a lot of pressure to create a happy family atmosphere. For someone living with coercive control, that can mean having less space or opportunity to get away from the person who is controlling them.
“There can also be a lot of expectations around family, relationships and keeping things looking good from the outside. If things aren't good behind closed doors, that contrast can be particularly difficult.”
Jewish Women’s Aid has found that women from the Jewish community will take, on average, two years longer than someone in the general population to seek help
Lewis said that because the control often happened over time and subtly, it was not always recognised as abuse, which may make it harder for someone to seek help.
“There may not be one particular moment when a woman thinks: ‘This is abuse.’ Instead, there can be lots of small things that gradually restrict her life.
“And because it happens gradually, women can start to doubt their own judgement. They might think: ‘Maybe I'm overreacting,’ or: ‘Perhaps this is just what relationships are like.’”
But Lewis said that if there was a pattern forming – if someone was changing their behaviour because they were worried how their partner would react, were being constantly criticised or they were becoming less free to make their own choices – “it’s worth talking to somebody”.
However, she noted that seeking help was sometimes difficult for women in the Jewish community.
“Talking about abuse can be difficult in any close-knit community. There can be shame, fear of judgement and concerns about what family, friends or other people in the community might think.”
There was also often the sense of responsibility to maintain “what looks like a happy Jewish home” or the abuser was someone who was “very well regarded” in the community. “That can make it even harder for a woman to speak out. She may be thinking: ‘Who's going to believe me?’”
According to the Office of National Statistics, one in four women will experience domestic abuse in their lifetime. Jewish Women’s Aid has found that women from the Jewish community will take, on average, two years longer than someone in the general population to seek help.
But Lewis stressed that the charity, which provides counselling in a confidential space, would listen to a caller “without judging [them] or telling [them] what to do”.
“You can simply call our helpline and say: ‘This is happening in my relationship and I'm not sure if it's normal.’ Sometimes having someone outside the relationship listen...can help you make sense of what's happening.”
The Home Should Feel Safe campaign, which includes a pamphlet outlining signs of coercive control and a short film, also invites people who are concerned someone they know may be experiencing coercive control or other forms of abuse to contact JWA for guidance.
JWA confidential helpline: 0808 801 0500
Email: advice@jwa.org.uk
Webchat: www.jwa.org.uk/webchat or click here
Website: jwa.org.uk or click here
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call 999
To donate to JWA’s Rosh Hashanah appeal, click here
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