Rabbi’s first book shares wisdom for a happy life

On a shelf stacked in front of some of the Talmuds in Rabbi Yitzchak Schochet’s office in Mill Hill Synagogue stands a row of single malts. He is safeguarding them for the kiddush club, an institution not approved of universally but which he welcomes – as befitting someone who believes that “shul should be vibrant, upbeat and fun”.

To his book collection, he can now add one from his own pen, which was launched this week. JoyWorks – Jewish Wisdom for a Happy Life is a guide to living well, which draws on his interest in psychology and, as you would expect from a Lubavitcher, his Chasidic heritage, along with his nearly 35 years of experience as a United Synagogue minister, 32 of them at Mill Hill, which has grown under his wing.

His first published book is the consummation of many years of lecturing in communities here and abroad, which he compiled during a sabbatical last year. “This was one theme I was very focused on, whether it’s the pursuit of happiness, or the concept of gratitude, or why good things happen to bad people.”

Although we cannot always influence events, we do have a choice in how we react to them, he believes.

“The key tip more than anything else that I wrote in that book is the one whole chapter that I dedicate to the idea of reframing, or what I refer to in the Hebrew as ‘hesech hadass’ [which literally means ‘removal of awareness]’,” he says. “I am an absolute believer in that. I once had an argument with a psychologist in the community, who insisted that you cannot control your thinking process – your thoughts just take hold of you, take you in their grip and that’s it.

“And I absolutely disagree with that. I genuinely believe it’s an ongoing exercise that one can work on.”

So when a negative thought starts to creep over you, “you can literally find something to distract yourself [with]. And I do find myself having conversations in my own head. If something negative suddenly takes hold of me and I start thinking about it, then I’ll tell myself in my own head: ‘No, I won’t…’ and start moving on to something else.

“I believe in the concept of manifesting as well, because again, per that principle, I think that if you genuinely can think positively about something instead of choosing the easier, obvious negative route, then it can genuinely affect the outcome. I know a lot of people might think that’s hocus pocus, but reality suggests otherwise.”

Through a lot of reading, he came to discover that “modern psychology… only confirms so much of what is brought certainly in ancient Chasidism but also in various traditional texts. Therefore, it was a matter of putting it all together.

JoyWorks: Jewish Wisdom for a Happy Life, by Rabbi Yitzchak Schochet, published by Mosaica[Missing Credit]

“For me, the real acid test was when I submitted [the manuscript] to Edith Eger [the Auschwitz survivor who died earlier this year aged 98 and was the author of The Choice]. She was a clinical psychologist for many, many, years. I wanted not just a rabbinic endorsement for the Jewish side of it, but very much a psychologist endorsement for the psychology part of it. I got that from her.”

But Judaism recognises that we cannot be happy all the time. Indeed, as he observes, we are commanded to mourn, just as Abraham grieved for his wife Sarah. “The ultimate faithful man cried over the loss of his wife. If he didn’t, if he just said: ‘God is good, this happened for a reason and I will move on’, that’s toxic positivity.” There is actually a chapter cautioning against “toxic positivity” which he included at the suggestion of one of his daughters, a psychologist.

The balanced approach is not to ignore or gloss over negative events but to find a way to deal with them so that “you can then move back to a better frame of mind”.

Not so long ago, at a family gathering with his children, they were discussing their theory that “rabbis tend to preach and write particularly about the very thing that they struggle with most.
“And I was like, ‘Huh? Are you suggesting that I struggle with joy?’ And they all looked at each other, smiled, and stayed quiet.”

There is, he says, a lot in the life of a congregational rabbi that “can drag you down” – from the petty gripes of those who might not like this or that to family broigeses or bereavement. But the biggest compliment from a congregant he has ever received is: “You are the most positive thinker I’ve ever met.”

That, he adds, is “not a natural state, admittedly. That’s something that was drilled into me continuously by my parents. But the community can pull you back in the other direction because there’s a lot of negativity. And therefore, that’s something that I have had to work on myself continuously and still do all the time.”

Against the backdrop of rising antisemitism, he recalls a couple of years ago that “one person came over to me and said: ‘Mark my words. In ten years’ time, there won’t be a Schochet living in the UK.’ And I made a bet with him. I said: ‘If you’re right, before I depart, I’ll make the kiddush here [at Mill Hill Shul]. If I’m right, you have to pay for the kiddush.’ And we made that bet.

“Now we’re two years in, and so far there are still Shochets, plenty of them, in the UK.”

JoyWorks: Jewish Wisdom for a Happy Life, by Rabbi Yitzchak Schochet, published by Mosaica

To get more from community, click here to sign up for our free community newsletter.

Topics:

Rabbi’s first book shares wisdom for a happy life

Topics:

Support the world’s oldest Jewish newspaper