Bereaved mothers of Israeli soldiers find love and respite in London

Meirav Sudai holds a flag with her son Sahar's face during a visit to London as part of the OneFamily Fund trip for bereaved Israeli mothers.[Missing Credit]

“I came on this trip because I want to speak about him – I don’t want anybody to forget our soldiers,” said Meirav, for whom the visit to London was especially poignant because it was the last place her son had visited before he died.

“My feeling was that he wanted me to come here,” she said. “And now I want everybody to try to take something from Sahar’s goodness, because he was a hero.”

Allison Kanter, one of the London-based organisers of the trip, began fundraising for victims of terror attacks in Israel by selling necklaces through Gift after October 7. She saw the trip as an opportunity for both connection between Israel and the Jewish community in London as well as for bereaved mothers to get a break.

“For a lot of them, it's the first time they can actually look after themselves since the loss of their child, whereas at home they’re busy being strong for the other children in the family, for the husband, for the grandparents,” said Allison. “One of them said to me: ‘I have to help my parents accept the loss of their grandchild.’ It's not easy. The mother is the one who really holds it together, and having this time makes a big difference.”

Shira Joseph, programme director at Gift, accompanied the women during their time in London and noted that the trip offered them a respite from the guilt they so often feel at home.

“One of the mothers actually told me that since her son died she hadn’t watched TV, she hadn’t gotten her nails done, all of these things she used to do,” said Shira. “For her, this trip was actually about just allowing herself to do something for herself and realising that it’s not a crime, and seeing the other mothers enjoying themselves and not punishing themselves was a really important thing for them to experience.”

Hagit Amitai came on the trip because she lost her 20-year-old son Nehoray on October 7.

“He was a commander in the Golani brigade at Nahal Oz,” Hagit said. “That morning when terrorists stormed the base, he fought for hours and was able to save ten people’s lives before he was critically wounded by a grenade. He was a beautiful boy.”

Hagit Amitai and her son Nehoray Levi Amitai, who was killed on October 7 while defending the Nahal Oz army base. Hagit was among a dozen Israeli women to visit London last week as part of a trip for bereaved mothers.[Missing Credit]

For Hagit, the most impactful part of the trip was being among other women who had lost their sons in the same manner.

“With anybody else, it’s difficult to explain the pain inside my soul, and my children’s and my husband’s,” she said. “But these women can relate.”

Avigail Yosef joined the trip to disconnect from the turmoil in Israel whilst mourning the loss of her son Roi Yochai, who was killed at the age of 31 in January 2024 during combat in northern Gaza. Responsible for training younger soldiers in his division, Roi was a dedicated leader, even volunteering to fight alongside other units when his own soldiers went home for weekend leave.

Avigail said her favourite part of the visit to London was “meeting the people from the Jewish community here, getting a hug from them and seeing how much they care and want to be part of this.” She added: “I liked that better than the actual activities.”

Avigail Yosef and her son Roi Yohai Yosef. Roi died in combat in northern Gaza on 6 January, 2024.[Missing Credit]

Avital Chen’s bereavement was the most recent of the 12 women on the trip, having lost her son Dror just four months ago, when he was killed during combat in South Lebanon at the age of 20.

“He wanted to be in the Golani brigade, he wanted to be a fighter,” Avital said. “And I asked him: ‘Dror, please stay’, but he said: ‘Mom, every one of us has a purpose, and we don’t know when our time is.’”

Avital, who now bears a tattoo of a little bird on her forearm in honour of Dror, experienced her most profound moment of the trip not during a the sightseeing, but, of all places, in hospital.

After badly splitting her lip after a fall at a shopping centre, Avital's six hours spent in A&E led her to a revelation.

Avital Chen, centre, with her son Dror, second from left, before he died in combat in South Lebanon at the age of 20 on 13 November, 2024.[Missing Credit]

“Since the war started and even a bit before, I asked myself: ‘Why be Jewish? Why be part of this?’ And sitting for a night in the hospital, I got an answer. Because I saw in the hospital a lot of people sitting alone: old people, pregnant women. They sit alone in the hospital as if no one cares about them,” she said. “And here I am with these people who don’t know me, but they care about me, and they stay with me all night in the hospital. Now I have the answer about what good it is to be Jewish at this time.”