What happens at the bedecken ceremony and what is its significance?
The groom approaches his bride prior to the ceremony and places the veil over her face. This ancient custom — rooted in the Talmud — is thought to originate from biblical times (Genesis 24:65). Covering the face is a sign of modesty and is regarded as integral part of the marriage process by some authorities. Following the bedecken, it is usual for parents (usually fathers) to bless their children as is done on Friday night on returning from the synagogue.
Why do we marry beneath a chupah?
The prophet Joel (2:16) says: ‘“Let the bridegroom go out from his chamber and the bride from her chupah.” Likewise we find in Psalms (19:6) “a bridegroom coming out of his chupah”. It is clear chupah is associated with marriage. Chupah means a covering and is possibly derived from a root meaning “to protect”. It is open on four sides, symbolically representing the tent of Abraham, who was famous for his hospitality. Through this means, he and his wife Sarah influenced many people to believe in a monotheistic deity. So too, the chupah represents the Jewish home the newlyweds will establish, which should radiate the warmth of yiddishkeit.
What are the stages of the ceremony?
The groom enters the chupah first, followed soon after by the bride. They are accompanied by two Jewish married couples — referred to as unterfuhrers. Usually, but not always, these will be their parents. After some introductory verses, the chupah ceremony begins with the bride taking her place on the groom’s right, both of them facing Jerusalem.
Historically, the marriage was solemnised in two stages, separated by several months. The first stage of the formalities is called eirusin — bethrothal. The officiating rabbi recites two blessings over a cup of wine, from which the couple drink. Following this, the groom makes a declamatory statement (see below) and places the ring on the bride’s finger in the presence of two halachically valid witnesses.
It is then customary for the text of the ketubah to be read out, which further publicises the fact they are now betrothed. It also provides a brief pause between the Eirusin and the second part of the chupah, nisu’in, which is the reciting of the seven marriage blessings (sheva berachot). The bride and groom drink wine from this second cup. A glass is broken by the groom and the marriage ceremony concludes with them spending a few minutes together alone (yichud).
Why does the bride walk around the groom seven times?
This is not obligatory but there are variant customs. Some walk around him three times — signifying the three biblical obligations a husband has towards his wife — to provide food, clothing and conjugal relations. They may also correspond to the three moral obligations mentioned in the book of Hosea (2 21-22).
Many walk around seven times, which may correspond to an additional seven obligations legislated by the rabbis, including the value of the ketubah and paying for her medical and burial expenses.
What are the restrictions on the ring?
It should be plain gold, silver or platinum and be an unbroken band with no gemstones or other embellishments that might affect its value. It must be the sole property of the groom prior to the ceremony (so may not purchased jointly). For technical reasons, rings may not be exchanged at a chupah.
“Be consecrated to me as my wife with this ring according to the laws of Moshe and Israel.” These words are spoken by the bridegroom immediately before he places the ring on her right forefinger. His statement contextualises his action, to make it clear to her and to the witnesses that he is giving this ring to her — not just as an unconditional present but in order that she should become his wife. By accepting this ring under these circumstances, the bride indicates consent.
What is the significance of the sheva brachot (seven blessings)?
Six of these blessings are mentioned in the Talmud. The theme starts by acknowledging God as Creator and traces His creation of Man and the “marriage” of Adam and Eve, the centrality of Zion and the anticipated joy of its rebuilding in our people’s future history, culminating with the blessing of rejoicing between the groom and his bride.
In the year 756CE, Rav Yehudah Gaon instituted that a blessing should also be said over wine, thus making the number up to seven. (Seven has great significance in Jewish thought and practice and in the Jewish mystical tradition.)
What are the important points made in the ketubah itself?
It records the Jewish date and names of the parties to the marriage, the bride’s consent to enter into the marriage and states the key obligations of the bridegroom to his future wife. This includes financial responsibilities due to her in Jewish law in the event of divorce or his death. This is all agreed to and signed by two religious witnesses (usually the officiating clergy) prior to the start of the ceremony.
If the couple choose to commission an artist to write the ketubah, what should they know?
There are many versions of a ketubah worldwide and it is important to follow the established minhag. Those marrying under orthodox auspices can contact me for advice.
After the destruction of Jerusalem in 70CE, the rabbis enacted a law to ensure Jerusalem should not be forgotten. Until the Temple is rebuilt, the Jewish people are regarded as continuing to live in the shadow of this tragedy and a glass is shattered at a chupah in recognition of this.
What is the significance of the moments in the yichud room?
Jewish man and woman are forbidden to be alone together, even in private, and premarital intercourse is strictly prohibited in Jewish law. Once married, this contact is permitted and so the marriage ceremony concludes with their retiring for a few minutes alone together in the yichud room, symbolising that they now have permission to live together as a married couple.
Rabbi Shindler is director of the Marriage Authorisation Office, Office of the Chief Rabbi.
The above refers to an orthodox chupah and other denominations may vary; contact your own rabbi for details
