Looking for a wife - on Facebook

November 24, 2016 22:51

I've heard of picking up dates through facebook. But now, eligible London bachelor Marcus Freed - of Bibliyoga fame - is using the social networking site to launch an official search for a wife.

According to his page,

Marcus is inviting applications for the role of WIFE! Please send serious suggestions to . For real! Successful candidate should expect a life of joy, blessing, adventure, romance, multiple progeny and free yoga. GSOH a huge advantage – you’ll need it.

Future Mrs Freed should be...
1. Prepared for adventure, excitement and happy to be the subject/object of absolute devotion.
2. Tolerant of the neurotic artist-type.
3. Shomeret Shabbat/Kashrut (Sabbath Observant)…if not already. This one’s important.

….abilty to dance in rhythm an advantage. Prior salsa training not essential.

MJF user manual:
- requires small doses of undivided attention on a regular basis. If given too much attention, it results in boisterous and potentially obnoxious behaviour.
- doesn't respond well to being given excessive rules and directions.
- gets grouchy when tired. When this happens, point him in the direction of a couch and a bowl of cereal (granola with flax seed).

Here's what you (the successful candidate) will receive
- a lifetime of joy, blessing, happiness, fun
- beautiful children with unpredictable talents
- support from the extended Freed family (who got all of the normal genes)

About your potential future mother-in-law:
- witty, motivated, clever, and loves doting after grandchildren and babysitting them.

About your potential future father-in-law:
- lovely, sweet, listens to your p.m-i-l (who has final say). Talented musician and amazing handyman who fixes all the broken stuff around the house and can make anything on a sewing machine.

About your potential future sister-in-law:
Born a couple of years after MJF, the parents had refined the child-rearing process so she’s a little more sophisticated and emotionally calibrated. She knows the weak-points of MJF so can help with advice on how to tame him if needed.

Still reading? Ok. Do a quick websearch on MJF. See if that puts you off.

Still reading? really? Ok. Please answer in 50 words or less; why are you still interested? (This is an elimination process. There can only be one Future Mrs Freed). Now email it to .

Thank you. Our people will contact your people.

First date will be on Twitter.

Good luck, Marcus!

November 24, 2016 22:51

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