Jump to Main ContentJump to Primary Navigation

Mrs Cohen's diary: Land of milk and honey? Only if the milk's in a carton

    * I turn my back for a few days and there is yet another problem with the Netanyahus. And again it’s dairy-related. Allegedly Mrs Netanyahu woke up the superintendent of the couple’s residence “screaming at him for buying milk in a bag instead of a carton as she had demanded”. Apparently when the man complained about the fact that it was 3am, Bibi, who should really have been in the Land of Nod, got involved, telling him to do whatever Sara demanded (sensible man). My sympathies are completely with Sara. Those bags of milk are awful – practically unusable – and if my housekeeper brought one home from the supermarket it would be an instant sacking offence. Some say that Bibi should have been concentrating on important state business, but I am of the opinion that if he can succesfully placate Sara, the Palestinians should be a doddle.

    * I have been nursing the inside story of darling Gwynnie’s conscious uncoupling for several months now: after all, who else could she turn to but Mrs C, a willing shoulder in time of trouble (and a reliable source of gluten-free kosher tubs of ice-cream for those oh-so-necessary late-night girly in-depth discussions). I said to her, Gwynnie, Goop or no Goop, it was never really going to work what with you being descended from a long line of rabbis and him being… well, someone called Chris. She had already confided in my sweet friend Vanessa Feltz that she wanted to raise dear little Apple and Moses in (what else?) a Jewish atmosphere. But with a dad whose band had promoted that “Freedom for Palestine” music, well, you see Gwynnie’s dilemma. Me, I’m just surprised it lasted as long as it did. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m busy house-hunting for La Paltrow in deepest north-west London, and, natch, keeping an eye out for school places at JFS. I mean, it could happen?

    * Marks & Sparks have begged me to be a part of their leading ladies advertising campaign. When I heard that darling Emma Thompson and the beautiful Alek Wek were going to be involved, I was tempted. Then I found out that Annie Leibovitz was going to be taking the pictures. Ever since the snaps of me with Keith Richard back in the 70s (you remember, the ones that caused a slight problem with Mr Cohen) I have refused to be photographed by that woman. Shame, though.

    * Closely following on from little Mila Kunis contemplating marriage to the dashing Ashton Kutcher, comes the happy news that they are expecting their first child. As a qualified doula (not to mention reflexologist) I shall be planning a little time in California later in the year. What with Scarlett’s sprog and Mila’s kabbalah miracle, I shall be spread very thinly indeed...

Columnists

Corbyn, Castro and the fraternal toleration of ...

David Aaronovitch

Thursday, December 1, 2016

Corbyn, Castro and the fraternal toleration of ...
Columnists

Beware of the Bonfire Night toffee hazard!

Susan Reuben

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Beware of the Bonfire Night toffee hazard!
Columnists

Moderate left is ready to rally

Daniel Finkelstein

Friday, October 7, 2016

Moderate left is ready to rally
Columnists

Having hope in Trump is naive

Daniel Finkelstein

Thursday, November 17, 2016

Having hope in Trump is naive
Columnists

Pray America repudiates Trump

Jonathan Freedland

Thursday, November 3, 2016

Pray America repudiates Trump
Columnists

Why death becomes us

Abigail Radnor

Thursday, October 6, 2016

Why death becomes us
Columnists

A prejudice unlike any other

Melanie Phillips

Thursday, November 10, 2016

A prejudice unlike any other
Columnists

You know, you really don't look it

David Aaronovitch

Friday, October 21, 2016

You know, you really don't look it
Columnists

My letter to the Prime Minister

Melanie Phillips

Thursday, September 29, 2016

My letter to the Prime Minister