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dbminkoff

dbminkoff

Registered: 26 September 2008
I run the world's biggest website of jewish jokes. This can be found at www.awordinyoureye.com There are over 2,200 jokes to read, so why not visit my site and have a laugh?

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A new joke from awordinyoureye.com

By dbminkoff, December 30, 2009

(#1997) The Rabbi’s fan (© David Minkoff)
As he’s been doing now for some months, Rabbi Bloom gives his weekly drasha to some inmates at a nearby prison. His aim, as always, is to encourage as many of them as possible to give up their life of crime. But as Rabbi Bloom is getting ready to leave, one of the warders goes over to him and says, "Rabbi, one of our inmates has asked whether he can have a few minutes with you privately in his cell. There’s no need to worry, he’s not dangerous, but I'll be outside the cell door just in case. Will you see him, Rabbi?"

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A new joke from awordinyoureye.com

By dbminkoff, September 6, 2009

(#1950) A special present (© David Minkoff)
One day, Moshe and Sydney meet at Brent Cross Shopping Centre. "So how’s life treating you Moshe?" asks Sydney.
"It’s not too bad, Sydney. God has been kind to me and let me reach 40 years of age last week."
"Mazeltov Moshe," says Sydney. "Did you get any nice presents?"
"Well," replies Moshe, "mine Sarah bought me an SUV."
"Wow!" says Sydney, "What a fantastic present to be given. I would love to have an SUV. It looks a great car to drive."
"Don’t get too excited," says Moshe. "Sarah only bought me Socks, Underwear and Viagra."

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A new joke from www.awordinyoureye.com

By dbminkoff, August 7, 2009

(#1946) The speed checker (© David Minkoff)
Howard is a technology maven. One day, as he is driving down Bishops Avenue in Hampstead, he passes a sign saying that he is approaching the most advanced road-side camera in the world. So he slows down to the 30mph speed limit. But when he passes the camera, it flashes at him.

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Here is another joke from my website (www.awordinyoureye.com)

By dbminkoff, June 30, 2009

(#1930) A visit by Sir Alan Sugar (now Lord Sugar of Clapton in the borough of Hackney - mazeltov) (© David Minkoff)

As part of his regular charitable activities, Sir Alan Sugar is today visiting a residential care home in Golders Green. Although it will be the first time he’s been to this particular home, he always looks forward to such visits because he loves cheering up the elderly residents, and they in turn always enjoy seeing and talking to a well known Jewish TV celebrity.

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Here is a joke from my website www.awordinyoureye.com

By dbminkoff, June 5, 2009

(#1910) An old age problem (© David Minkoff)
Two elderly ladies, Miriam and Naomi, meet for the first time for many, many years and decide to catch up on things over a coffee and a bagel at Minky’s Kosher Snacks.
"So, Miriam," says Naomi, "it’s been a long time. How have you been getting on?"
"Oy, Naomi," replies Miriam, "you shouldn’t have asked me that question. I think old age is terrible. I’m 75 years old and I’m 5 foot 3 inches tall. Yet when I was in my twenties, I was nearly 5 foot 6 inches tall."

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Here is a joke recently added to my website www.awordinyoureye.com

By dbminkoff, January 1, 2009

(#1884) Beauty is in the eye of the beholder (© David Minkoff)
One day, Isaac and Ruth are doing some shopping in Waitrose supermarket. As they pass the beers, wines and spirit section, Isaac picks up a pack of a dozen bottles of Maccabi Beer and puts it in their trolley.
"Why do you need so much beer?" asks Ruth.
"Because they are on a special offer of only £6.00 for 12 bottles," replies Isaac.
"Please put them back Isaac," says Ruth. "We can’t afford them – we’re in a credit crunch, don’t forget."

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Here are three Chanukah jokes taken from my website www.awordinyoureye.com

By dbminkoff, December 21, 2008

(#552) The eight nights of Chanukah (© David Minkoff)

On the first night of Chanukah, someone sent to me, a warm bagel topped with cream cheese.
On the second night of Chanukah, someone sent to me, two matzoh balls and a warm bagel topped with cream cheese.
On the third night of Chanukah, someone sent to me, three golden latkes, two matzoh balls, and a warm bagel topped with cream cheese.
On the fourth night of Chanukah, someone sent to me, four pounds of salt beef, three golden latkes, two matzoh balls, and a warm bagel topped with cream cheese.

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Here are two short jokes taken from my website www.awordinyoureye.com

By dbminkoff, November 30, 2008

(#1182) The results (© David Minkoff)

Lionel takes Freda to their doctor for a check-up. After the doctor finishes examining Freda, he takes Lionel aside and says, "I don't like the look of your wife at all."
"I don’t either, doctor," says Lionel, "but she's really very good with the children and she’s a great cook."

(#1219) Feelings (© David Minkoff)

Sharon tells her best friend Ruth, "I’ve broken off my engagement to Moshe."
"Oh Sharon," says Ruth, "I’m so sorry. Why?"

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The DaddyDay blog on honesty reminds me of this joke, taken from my website www.awordinyoureye.com

By dbminkoff, November 19, 2008

(#420) Honesty (© David Minkoff)

One day, a poor woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river when his axe fell into the river. When he began crying, God appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"
The woodcutter told him that he had dropped his axe into water.
God went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe.
"Is this your axe?", God asked. The woodcutter said "No".
God again went down and came up with a silver axe.
"Is this your axe?" God asked. The woodcutter said "No".

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Trevor Fox's 'Madrid Kosher' blog reminds me of this joke from my website www.awordinyoureye.com: -

By dbminkoff, November 17, 2008

(#1260) The procession in Marbella (© David Minkoff)

Benny and Leah are on holiday in Marbella and decide to go to a bullfight. While they are watching the grand procession which takes place before the bullfights commence, Leah starts asking a lot of questions. Fortunately, Benny had been to a bullfight some years earlier during a business trip and is able to answer them.
"Benny, who’s that leading the procession?" asks Leah.
"That’s the toreador, Leah."
"So who’s that behind the toreador?"
"That’s the matador, Leah."
"And who’s that man behind the matador, Benny?"

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NWJew's Hagbah story reminds me of a joke on my website www.awordinyoureye.com. Here's the joke

By dbminkoff, November 10, 2008

(#178) Hagbah! (© David Minkoff)

In their infinite wisdom, the gabbaim gave hagbah to Moshe, the puniest guy in the shul. With great effort, Moshe manages to complete the act but nearly faints in doing so. He then vows he will never be embarrassed like that again. He joins a local gym and commences a six months heavy training course - push ups, sit ups, chinning, weight lifting, 10Ks - the whole thing.

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Here is another joke taken from my website www.awordinyoureye.com

By dbminkoff, November 10, 2008

(#1864) What an expert! (© David Minkoff)
It’s a warm erev shabbes afternoon and Rabbi Landau and Rebbetsin Naomi are relaxing in their kitchen. Rabbi Landau is an expert on astronomy (he’s even got a kind of laboratory set up in his study) and he’s quietly reading some of the latest scientific papers on the subject. Suddenly, from nowhere, a large rock flies at speed through their open kitchen window and lands right in the cholent saucepan which is bubbling away on their gas cooker. They are naturally both very shocked.

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Here is a new Jewish joke just added to my website (www.awordinyoureye.com)

By dbminkoff, October 28, 2008

(#1860) The honest salesperson (© David Minkoff)
Jeremy owns a struggling wholesale company in London selling low priced pharmaceutical products. He employs just one salesman, but this person has not been very successful. So Jeremy pays him off and places the following advert in the Jewish Chronicle: -
PHARMACEUTICAL INDUSTRY
Baleboss requires a balbatisher salesperson, a sales maven with a yiddisher kop.
Contact Jeremy on ………….

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Here's a new joke just added to my website (www.awordinyoureye.com)

By dbminkoff, October 8, 2008

(#1850) The walk past (© David Minkoff)

It’s a hot summer’s day and Rabbi Landau is walking with his pupils on Minnis Bay beach when a beautiful young girl in a swimming suit walks towards them. Rabbi Landau immediately says to them, "Don’t look, boys, turn away your eyes." Over the next 10 minutes, many young girls in their swimsuits walk past them and each time Rabbi Landau says to his pupils, "don’t look, don’t look. Avert your eyes."

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David's blog on his Jewish jokes website

By dbminkoff, September 26, 2008

Well done to the JC for creating this innovative website. I am now going to start using it by making the following announcement: -
My website www.awordinyoureye.com contains over 2,100 Jewish jokes (with the naughtier ones kept separate), making it probably the best site for Jewish jokes / Jewish humour available anywhere today.
It's reached 2,100 jokes because ever since I set it up in 2000, I've been adding at least 10 new jokes to it every month without fail.

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