I was cut up over Carragher and knocked out by Tyson

Having returned from eight heavenly days in Cyprus, I literally had to be pulled out of my hotel after hearing that Jamie Carragher would be arriving three days later. I learnt much about my mucatanim, especially brother-in-law to be, Jon Tiller. He and my father-in-law, Stephen Lerner, were undoubtedly the characters of the trip with the pair joint-winners of the best sunburn and disappearing act awards.

Smasher Lerner almost got swallowed up by a poolside umbrella and raised eyebrows after getting stuck on the waterslide.

Tiller, the former Veras and Talksport keeper, kicked up a fuss when I put on my Barcelona top to watch the Champions League final. Mr Fidget was still bitter about his beloved Chelsea’s controversial exit in the semi-finals but he should be used to losing after Andrew Lerner, my brother-in-law, beat him at poker as did I at tennis.

Things got so bad for Jon that he threatened to cancel his wedding to Hayley Lerner if she beat him on court four. Hayley also has painful memories of Limassol, limping away from a body-conditioning class with a John Wayne walk.

Andrew, the former Sutlu Borek and Faithfold defender, proved that he has still got it after impressing at five-a-side. His fear of mushrooms is most amusing but that should not stop a string of big name clubs coming in for him over the summer.

I rubbed shoulders with Nottingham Forest striker Nathan Tyson whose daughters Beth and Lola befriended my daughter. At five-and-a-half, I was proud that my Ella was the star of the aqua aerobics class.

My youngest, Jacob, won biggest flirt title. At three-and-a-half, he is clearly a chip off the block, trying to attract anything in a skirt though I must admit he had a much better success rate. My mother-in-law, Gill Lerner, was treated like royalty by Andreas, the senior statesman of the dining room, as he gave her bucks fizz for breakfast.

I did my best to maintain a rigorous exercise routine that included daily visits to the gym, football, tennis and aqua aerobics.

A group of Everton fans had their FA Cup final blues eased when they copped an eyeful at Team GB’s netball car wash marathon in Elstree. In my first taste of the sport, I scored nine nets in a minute.

Temple Fortune Old Boys A beat the Bs to win the sixth and final Jack Kyte Challenge Cup. Ollie Squires and Steve Feiger netted for the Bs with Simon Allen and Yali Mamouri replying. Veterans Jeremy Fess and Feiger missed penalties in the shootout. Keeper Adam Glekin won the club’s Player of the Year. Hendon Hawks Under Nine’s ended their season with a trip to Wembley for a behind-the-scenes tour followed by a meal at the White House.

Spurs fan DJ Neal Cohen will meet his match on Sunday as he ties the knot with his sweetheart Shelley ‘the Gooner’ Brown. The Zig Zag boss was unsuccessful in his bid to combine the simcha with the team’s end of season bash. The main event is at Mill Hill shul before the party continues at Sopwell House.

The JC MSFL Player of the Year will be named at the end-of-season awards on Monday night. My money would be on NW Neasden A’s Daniel Levenfiche or Scott Shindler.

    Last updated: 1:00pm, June 4 2009