You wait four years, then this

Timing is everything in sport, so I'm sure you can imagine my pure state of elation when Mrs C informed me that potty training commenced for no. 3 this week.

While messus Hodgson and co have much more important things to worry about in Brazil, I've been a bag of nerves every time my youngest mentions the W-word or the P-word. Hardly the perfect preparation for the World Cup.

Meanwhile, I've been trying desperately hard to help no. 2 complete his Panini Sticker Book before the big KO. I've travelled far and wide in a bid to secure the elusive faces of those Iranian players, as well, of course, as the England shiny. To date, he's only got the ones who didn't get selected.

No. 1 has also been threatening to hide the remote, but I've got the locksmiths in to ensure that there's no foul play. The rules are simple: between June 12 and July 13, the main TV is all mine, from 5pm-12.45am. After all, I paid for the bloody thing!

I've told the girls that Peppa Pig, Britain's Got Talent and Big Brother should be viewed in the playroom and that walking in front of 'my' TV is strictly forbidden.

Indeed an official contract has been drawn up, ensuring the fridge must be stocked up with meat, chicken, fruit and cider at all times and a recent visit to Costco ensured we have enough remote control batteries to light up the whole of north-west London.

Mrs C is also under firm instruction not to utter the following phrases if the unthinkable happens and England lose a match – it's only a game, get over it or they'll win next time. That's a sackable offence as far as I'm concerned.

So as you can imagine, the next few weeks should be an absolute blast in the Caro household.

● Adam Lustigman has named himself in a 13-man squad travelling to Amsterdam for next weekend's Jom Havoetbal competition. The WHAFC player-manager is preparing his troops for matches against the likes of Haboniem, Maccabi Tennis, Circumcisers and VAK 410.

WHAFC warmed-up for the European tournament with a 5-4 friendly defeat against cup winners EDRS Stonegrove Masters. Goalkeeping duties will be shared between David Garson and Darren Saffer, while Jamie Lustigman, James Bloom, Jason Friend, Jerry Asher, Ben Simons, Tony Plaskow, Zuriel Solomon, Nick Roman, Lee Dicker and Rob Pearl complete the line-up.

● Chigwell's move across to the Masters is sad yet inevitable, nonetheless. Of all the Jewish football managers I've come across, Richard Slater is one of the most passionate and professional individuals out there. He runs his club in a meticulous manner and I expect them to be a roaring success in the MMFL.

    Last updated: 10:45am, June 13 2014