By David Aaronovitch
Jonathan Cape, £17.99
Who is this so-called “David Aaronovitch”? A high-profile columnist for the Jewish Chronicle, part of the British arm of ZOG — the Zionist Occupation Government — Aaronovitch also writes for The Times, which is controlled by the Australian Rupert Murdoch, a senior member of The Illuminati. A former communist turned liberal, Aaronovitch may even be Elder of Zion number seven, in charge of propaganda and disinformation.
After an expert decoding of hundreds of bound pages of printed symbols rooted in Hebrew, Nabatean and ancient proto-Semitic (also known as the alphabet) we can now reveal the truth, which is that Aaronovitch has written a timely, forensically detailed debunking of the modern age’s conspiracy theories.
Welcome to the wacky world where crackpot delusions are twisted into a whole alternative world view, most of which boil down to one essential point: They Are Out To Get Us.
“They” might be the Elders of Zion, the gathering of elderly Jews who secretly rule the world. Or the sinister forces of the British secret state. Or the dark reaches of the Bush administration which laid explosive charges in the Twin Towers, which, like the Pentagon, were not actually hit by hijacked planes at all. Rather like the moon, which, conspiracy theorists believe, was not landed on. It was all faked by artful photography.
Aaronovitch skilfully dissects all these and more, wielding the most powerful tool of all: common sense.
A whole industry of “Truthers”, as they are known, now argues that the Bush administration planned and carried out 9/11. Simply consider the complications of organising those attacks, especially if you believe that no planes were involved.
Hundreds of people would have to be involved in planning, logistics and laying the explosives, not to mention the hideous immorality of such an operation. Could it really happen without a single leak from those involved? I ask you.
Voodoo Histories ranges widely, from Stalin’s show trials to the Da Vinci Code. And despite Aaronovitch’s sometimes dark subject matter, he often manages to be very funny. Consider this extract from The Messianic Legacy by Michael Baigent, Richard Leigh and Henry Lincoln — the authors of Holy Blood and the Holy Grail, which helped inspire The Da Vinci Code — about the Priory of Sion, the mythical gathering that they believe really runs the world. The Priory, they believe, operates in a murky sphere “where Christian Democratic parties of Europe, various movements dedicated to European unity, royalist cliques, neo-chivalric orders, freemasonic sects, the CIA, the Knights of Malta and the Vatican swirled together, pooled themselves temporarily for one or other specific purpose and then disengaged again”.
This masterful coupling of the specific — the CIA, the Vatican — with the vague and probably non-existent — “royalist cliques”, “neo-chivalric orders”’ — is typical of conspiracy theories. Aaronovitch’s dry deconstructions are an enjoyable counterpoint: “One would like to have been present at a swirling involving, say, the CIA and the Knights of Malta on one side, and the Freemasons and the Vatican on the other.”
One would indeed. But many believe just such a swirling takes place at the meetings of the Bilderberg Group, the shadowy annual gathering of international bankers and world leaders that last month met in Athens. The Bilderberg Group really does exist.
But there is no chapter on Bilderberg in Voodoo Histories. Which is curious. Or maybe not…